Stelletjesblogs zijn niet ok

Er zijn dus stelletjes die bloggen. En dat is ongeveer net zo kut als het klinkt.

If you’re as boring as me, by now you’ve seen the Guardian’s piece about couple blogging. If you did, then I’m sure, like me, you’ve also sat, toes curled, fists clenched, squealing “ARGH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING!?” You probably also saw a lot of talk in the comments about a couples blog called Louder Than Silence, only to see that it had been set to private when you tried to visit it yourself.

Luckily for us, Google Cache exists, so their cringey online hipstamatic nightmare can live on forever. I almost didn’t post this here, because these people are obviously very embarrassed now and are trying to make this stuff disappear from the internet forever (they even deleted their blog’s FB and Twitter page). But then I looked on the guy’s Twitter and, worryingly, he don’t seem to understand what it is about their lives that is offending people so extensively:

To make this perfectly clear to them, I decided to list my top five things that I hate the most about their twee, disgusting blog.

1. BEING FORCED TO PICTURE THEM CROPPING ANYTHING NON-VINTAGE OUT OF THEIR PHOTOS

The above photos were taken in Camden and Shoreditch. Can you imagine how much work it took to make them look like that?

2. THE STUPID FUCKING NAME THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING

I can’t decide if it sounds more like the name of a 30 Seconds to Mars song or the title of a documentary about women’s rights in the Sudan.

3. THEIR MATCHING HIS-AND-HERS TASSLED LOAFERS

As a rule, anyone pointing a camera at their feet is a prat. Focusing on twice as many feet only makes it worse.

4. THEIR TASTE IN CELEBRITIES

Yes! They really were that close to Julian Casablancas! You jelly?

5. ROSS

But then I thought; since ‘couple blogging’ is apparently all the rage, then I, as an internet trendsetter, must embrace it. So I asked my girlfriend to list all her least favourite things about Louder Than Silence.

1. THAT THEY CREDIT THEIR OUTFITS AT THE BOTTOM OF EACH POST

My girlfriend says: Why?

2. THAT, IN ADDITION TO CREDITING THEIR OUTFITS, THEY MAKE LAME LITTLE DREAM OUTFIT DIAGRAMS

My girlfriend says: What the fuck is a “new vintage dress”?

3. THIS PARAGRAPH

“We’d like to report that we uncovered all sorts of vintage goodies but, if truth be told, we weren’t really in the mood for rummaging (possibly something to do with the vast amount of cocktails we drank on Friday night - must try to remember that buy one get one free does not mean you have to drink double the amount you usually would), so the only thing we actually bought was some homemade hot chilli sauce. And a mahoosive lunch from The Diner to help recover from said cocktails.”

My girlfriend says: Hell’s too good for anyone who writes like that.

4. SALLY

My girlfriend says: I’m not jelly.

5. REALISING THAT THERE’S MORE OF THEM OUT THERE

My girlfriend says: Argh! Goosebumps twist ending!

My stomach muscles are starting to ache from laughing/cringing too hard for too long, so I haven’t clicked any of these links yet, but that’s a list of other sites that have recently “featured” these guys’ “work”. I guess now they’ll be able to add VICE to that list. GAH!

GLEN COCO & STRAWBERRY RIBENA

EVIL ADDENDUM:
Since posting this, multiple people have sent me their own personal least favourite things about their blog, including these, which I can’t believe I missed the first time around:

-The site’s description of Ross: “When he’s not sat in front of his mac he can usually be found in a pub watching a band with a beer in hand, or at home reading Chuck Palahniuk (or something equally as dark and satirical)”

- The contact info on their site is listed as; “”Top secret gig tip off? Classified vintage sale information? Or just a good old fashioned hello? hello(at)louderthansilence(dot)com”"

More updates as we receive them.