Don't

Forget credit hours—you should get your art-school diploma whenever you start to look like you’re always one person smoking the wrong brand of cigarette away from an act of Carrie-style terrorism.

Do

The year after you pack your youngest off to college is a special time in your life as a father. With your children gone, you can finally pursue your interests, like installing a bar in what used to be the nursery, throwing let’s-break-in-the-butterfly-fuck-swing-we-just-bought parties wit...