Do

And then Jesus waved his arms and revealed that the universe was not finite, but instead merely a pair of unwashed spandex pants he’d been wearing to nighttime yoga sessions since the dawn of time.

Don't

Dogs are ostensibly great, but then you have to walk them two times a day, dress them in artisanal booties, listen to them talk and talk about how everyone is just a sack of blood with skin, blah, blah, blah, and now your kids won’t return your texts and people cross the street when they s...