A Meth Pipe Shattered Inside a North Dakota Woman's Vagina
Dec 4 2013
Meth pipe image via
What started as your plain old, run-of-the-mill car accident resulted in a woman being arrested while pieces of glass from a shattered meth pipe were stuck up her vagina. In North Dakota, 26-year-old Jeana Marie Smart rear-ended another driver on the road. When law enforcement officers responded to the scene, Jeana was arrested “after a warrant check revealed that she had failed to appear in court on a pending narcotics and drug paraphernalia case," according to the police report.
The officer transporting her, Michael Benton, spotted blood on the backseat of his patrol car. Being the curious man that he is, he decided to inquire about the red stain as opposed to just doing what most people would do, which is naturally assume that it's menstrual blood and not bring it up because that's a really awkward conversation to have.
Benton wrote in his report: “When I asked Smart about this, she said she was on her period. As we walked to the booking area, blood was dripping from Smart's crotch area onto her legs and the floor.” After a few more moments of what I can only imagine is agonizing pain, Jeana finally admitted that she had a pipe up her hoo-ha. Not only that, but a capped syringe as well. I can't imagine being the person that has to yank those out. “Anything else in there? A lighter? Spoon perhaps? Never ending series of handkerchiefs? A partridge in a pear tree?” Ha, that's a holiday joke. Tis the season!
Actually, I'd like to award Jeana for her quick thinking. If I had drug paraphernalia on me while driving, and there's already a warrant out for my arrest because I didn't show up to court to face charges for owning drug paraphernalia, then maybe I would have stuck the thing up my vagina too. I've probably had way worse things in my vagina (shout out to my ex-boyfriends). You know what? She would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for the whole pipe being made of glass thing. So maybe Jeana Smart was being kind of smart after all. Maybe.
This story ends the way all stories about glass meth pipes breaking inside vaginas end, though. Jeana was sent to a hospital for all the glass to be completely removed. Once she was cleared, she went back to jail, was booked, and her bail was set at $2,000. She has since been released from custody, and her preliminary hearing is set for January 3.
What's the moral of the story here? Is it as simple as don't do drugs, or is there something extra special we can learn from all this? Don't stick glass objects up any body cavities? Maybe we need a new sort of D.A.R.E program specifically targeted towards educating the youth on the dangers of glass inside your private parts. This story coupled with the infamous “1 Man 1 Jar” (NSFW! NSFW!) video would really set the record straight. I highly recommend viewing the video. Especially if you want your day to be ruined.
via Smoking Gun
Reasons Why Comic-Con Is the Worst Place Ever
An Interview with a Guy Who Can't Sleep Because He Is Afraid of Dying
A Rigged Indian Casino Karaoke Contest Was the Low Point of My Life
The Jim Norton Show: Mike Tyson and Dana White - Part 2
Should We Look at and Share Photos of Dead Civilians in Gaza?
A Few Impressions: Watch James Franco's Short Film, 'The Clerk's Tale,' Based on a Poem by Spencer Reece
One of Our Writers Went on an All-Alcohol Diet for a Week
Paris Lees: The 21 Sexiest Things About Sex
'Weird Al' Yankovic Explains How He Conquered the Internet
Tao of Terence: One Version of 'One Version of Terence McKenna’s Life'