
by jim finn
illustrations by tara sinn
photos from AP
![]() |
Hopefully the nuke part isn’t super-difficult. Especially considering that just three years ago, in 1991, the official North Korean publishing house printed For a Free and Peaceful New World, which hinges on some of Great Leader Kim Il-sung’s most well-liked phrasings, in particular: “The Korean people, who are constantly under the threat of nuclear weapons, have proposed the abolition of nuclear weapons as a vital matter relating to the destiny of the nation.” With this in mind, it was admittedly pretty fucking awkward a few months ago when President Clinton forced fey ex-president Jimmy Carter on a diplomatic mission to convince master of mixed signals Kim Il-sung to freeze his not-exactly-secret and monstrous nuclear-weapons program in exchange for some oil and a hand in developing nuclear energy. But then that lout Carter actually succeeded! The resultthe Agreed Framework Between the United States of America and the Democratic People’s Republic of Koreaaims to control the proliferation of nukes and even lay early groundwork for relations with Kim Jong-il’s budding regime. In Daddy’s absence, all little Kim Jong-il need do is scoot things along.
![]() |
The father-son duo had pretty much been running North Korea since, as the legends go, the future Dear Leader was bornat either a Soviet military base (according to capitalist historians) or a mountain cabin in Korea while his father was planning his next move against the Japanese in WWII (according to North Korean historians). But it’s never as effortless as it looks. Even with full, unimpeded control of all incoming and outgoing media, North Korea is still surrounded on all sides by enemies and hostile pseudo-allies.
By the end of the 60s, after having his ass saved from a string of potentially terrible situations (by the Soviets after a limp-wristed slap fight with Japan in WWII and by the Chinese after Mao killed a bunch of Americans and scared them off the 42nd parallel), Kim Il-sung was isolated, vulnerable, and paranoid. He trusted one person: Kim Jong-il, who at this key moment miraculously decided to sober up and slide his pecker back into his pantsat least in public. Kim Jong-il immediately threw himself into the business of promoting his father’s cult, gradually moving the focus of attention onto himself. He produced an opera, Sea of Blood, about the brutality of the Japanese occupation, and he micromanaged North Korea’s official Juche (the official state ideology) film productions. These movies were about stuff like blaming food shortages on wreckers and scavengers, actors in whiteface dressed as US Army officers who took great joy in riddling peasants with bullets, children who discover their parents were no-good traitors during the war, and women who commit the ultimate sacrifice by marrying a disabled soldier.
In the 70s, Kim Jong-il consolidated his power, and by the early 1980s he began to appear in kitschy portraits alongside wheat stalks, directing his father’s attention to the new tractor tires. Dad and Junior were frequently seen side by side on TV newsreels approving women’s shoe designs and critiquing dance steps. Kim Il-sung gradually became the benevolent grandfather figure, while Kim Jong-il’s bouffant became ubiquitous. He has been meticulously metamorphosing into the Dear Leader of 1994 ever since.
So the truth is probably that Kim Jong-il has been covertly running the government for the past decade anyway. The transition to public power should be relatively paranoid business as usual, except for food and these goddamned nukes. As much as the North Korean state likes to believe in its independence, it still relies on subsidies from the USSR and China, its biggest trading partner. But Boris Yeltsin and his cronies running the Russian Federation are too busy figuring out how to make young women the country’s top export and slurping up the world’s oil supply, and China is still reeling from the fall of the Berlin Wall and that shit at Tiananmen Square.
In other words, in the absence of chummy Communist superpowers willing to shepherd North Korea through rough times, the country is the global equivalent of a homely, undeveloped girl who may never be asked on a date by another countryparticularly if this nuke pact with the States falls through. Kim Il-sung certainly believed, at least in private, that acquiring a nuclear arsenal would be the only viable insurance against being swallowed up by the post-USSR New World Order. But who can say whether Junior agrees. Are we too late to convince him otherwise?





Noisey
Duck Fight Goose
Motherboard
How to Beat SOPA: Build a New Internet in Space
The Creators Project
Casio Turns 2D Photos Into Weird 3D Sculptures
Motherboard
Google Maps Is Twisted
The Creators Project
Jellyfish Film Shot on iPhone at the Aquarium
Noisey
Lucas Abela Plays Broken Glass with His Face
Comments