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ACTUALLY HUIZENGA RULES

Actually Huizenga is a girl from LA that Cody Critcheloe told us about and whose Youtube page has officially torpedoed our afternoon. (Thanks.) She makes beautiful scratchy dance-pop that sounds like a tape smuggled back from the future and video pieces that combine the acid-trip realism of Ryan Trecartin with the visual FX of mid-period La Bouche. Tonight she's screening a movie we think's called Cocktail Party at Family's Silent Theater in West Hollywood. Here's what the press release looks like.

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Crap, wait. We screwed up the title. It's called Write a Book About It and here's what Cody has to say: Actually Huizenga is gonna be huge! Seriously! Not only is she a total babe in a wayne's world/old school hollywood kind of way, she also makes great pop music and videos AND she has red hair! I don't really know of any pop stars with red hair except for tori amos and now that she's dead, it looks like Actually will be taking over her throne. Anyway, I meet Actually while i was in LA trying to find a cure for AIDS. She was at some CLUB surrounded by a thousand fags who all worshiped her every move. i told her i wanted to make her a star and she laughed in face and told me that she was already gonna be a star and didn't need my help. she told me she was making a movie call WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT. i told her it sounded cool and then she hit me. i don't understand why girls are better than men, but they are. For further proof go to Actually Huizenga's movie premiere tonite at the Silent Movie Theatre, 611 North Fairfax Avenue, Los Angeles, California. Midnight! This is also Actually's going away party. She's moving to London. All hail the QUEEN!

Cocktail Party Pitch:

It is the year 2205, Los Angeles…an inescapable island weakly revolving around fame and the fear of age…times have changed in a fashion (example: Producers and Writers are now the most successful people in the world), but nostalgia has become such a passionate addiction that it looks as if things have gone backwards (cell phones are once again being used and rotary phones have been remade into popular "large cell phones," computers are invisible)….

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The upper world is ruled by money-drenched and movie making Hollywoodites while the underworld is ruled by illegal dancing Immortals, people who kill for pleasure and kill for life (and who are hunted within the shadows of society by the police who work for the Hollywoodites).

Tipsy Canoe is the new and unseasoned leader of a gang of Immortals known as Warlords. To attain ten years immortality a Warlord must eat the insides of a person who has fallen in love with him/her. This is also the way in which a person becomes inducted (by being forced to eat the insides of someone who harvests inner love feelings for the inductee). It all has something to do with the 4 Warlord W's (when, why, where, who)… and of course the magic of dopamine and the wonders of humanity…

Tipsy was inducted by the previous ruler, Bop in the early 90's, along with her cat, Sweet Raisin. Tipsy did not take her immortality seriously and wasted much of her time gallivanting around LA in a sea of young blood and drugs, managing to find very little love in her debauchery. She has aged since 18. Now going on 25, which is quite odd for such a young immortal (most immortals are seasoned veterans by the time they are 200, and they don't easily make mistakes in love in the ten year increments given them). Tipsy, now realizing just how much time she has been wasting, is now desperate to stay young. She is disgusted by her deterioration, but every time she finds a victim, she jumps the gun and eats too soon, mistaking her victims' lust for love.

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Tipsy spawns a strange plan. She decides to become famous so that everyone will love her, and her immortality-plate will always be full. I know what you're thinking… fame never promises love! But Tipsy lives in a future in which all life revolves around celebrity and the brilliance of the silver, gold and opal screen. We all know that everything in life can be compared to a Movie! So, who are we to question Tipsy's antics (even though she's mostly always intoxicated)?

Longish Party Pitch short (say that ten times), Tipsy embarks on this mission for fame…. in the process she indelibly discovers that the word Love is much more than a meal ticket. It is something unhealthy, something much darker, more dangerous, and definitely not free.

Please Enjoy, Actually Huizenga

"Abdi"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/04/03-abdi.mp3 ]