You no longer need to be a hatchet-faced National Front refugee to join the whites-only club. The fascist menace no longer wears jackboots. It no longer flags down the number 25 bus with a hearty "Sieg Heil". Nope, ours is a new, gentler, more airbrushed age. Feminism's here, so now girls can dig race hate too. As the BNP's attempts to reposition itself as a mainstream party have advanced its perimeter far beyond the usual crewcuts-n-tats brigade, we spoke to three of the more acceptable new faces of the unacceptable. What a bunch of hotties! Phwoar! Makes you aroused to be British.
Vice: How old are you?
What do you do for a living?
I'm a full-time mum.
What first attracted you to the BNP?
My husband. He’s been in the army for twelve years, and when I met him four years ago, he actually told me about the BNP and what they were doing. And from then on, I started to support them.
Are most of your friends BNP?
Yeah. Not particularly the people in our area, but our friends are.
When people say the BNP is a fascist party, what do you think?
Fascist – I don’t understand that word.
Think of Nazi Germany, or 1930s Italy.
I can’t even remember when that happened really, but I’m against them anyway.
You’re against who?
The Germans. I know that sounds evil... I was brought up that way.
But not the Nazis?
No, I don’t agree with that at all.
What's the best thing about living in Britain today?
I hate Britain, and I want to move to Spain in the next couple of years, 'cos our country’s not England anymore. It’s very rare for English people to live here anymore. When I went to Lanzarote, I felt more English there than I do here, and that’s no exaggeration.
But won't you then be an immigrant too?
Yeah but the answer to that is I would go over to their country and respect their country. I wouldn’t go over there and try and do suicidal bombs [sic]. The immigrants that come over to this country should be making this a good country and proud of it and helping this country, but most of them don’t.
What do you think symbolises Britain best?
Well, I used to know Britain as strong, and over the past couple of years, I don’t know if I’ve grown up, but I’ve seen it going soft. The memory I have is the war, and how we fighted [sic] all the people in WWI and WWII, and it makes me proud to be British.
Fish or chips?
Alan Carr or Jimmy Carr?
David Mellor or David Beckham?
Jesus Jones or Jesus Christ?
Hieronymus Bosch or a Bosch electric sander?
I don’t know them, I’ll just put the second one.
Plato or Playdough?
Towel or rag?
Morrissey or Eric Clapton?
Nick Nolte or Nick Griffin?
In terms of the BNP's repatriation policy on immigration, if you had to choose, who would you repatriate first, Dizzee Rascal or Tinchy Stryder?
The second one, because I’ve never heard of him and I like Dizzee Rascal.
Which do you dislike more: Muslims or Jews?
Do you think Nick Griffin is actually gay, or is that just a vicious rumour?
No. I think it’s a vicious rumour.
Have you seen him in the flesh? He's quite mincey.
I’ve only seen him on the news. I really like him.
Do you think the anti-BNP movements are too overtly black?
As a hypothetical solution to the immigration problem, what about dividing Britain down the middle, and using the left half for immigrants, and the right half for everyone else.
Sorry, I don’t get that. Am I’m being really thick? No. I don’t think so.
What if immigrants could prove their usefulness – shouldn't they then be allowed to stay? For instance, if they began life here with a six-month period of forced labour? Perhaps spent making shoes for the rest of the population in a giant shoe factory in the East Midlands?
No. They shouldn’t come to Britain at all in the first place.
What about people who've grown up in Britain from a very young age, but aren't, as the BNP would term it, “ethnically British”? When you repatriated them, don't you think the BNP should first give them intensive lessons in speaking, for example, the Ghanaian language, and learning the skills of an agriculturally-based society?
No. I don’t think so. Just send them back. I know that sounds really evil...
OK, what if Ghana, or wherever, decrees that these immigrants are now Britain's responsibilty – that they no longer have the right to live in Ghana. Do you think war with Ghana would be justified to force the issue, or would you simply propose a system of gradually-raised trade sanctions, possibly with the aid of a UN mandate?
I wouldn’t do the war, 'cos I’m against war. Er, the other one...
Carol Thatcher – hero or villain?
Al Jolson – hero or villain?
I don't know who he is. Um, hero.
Mother Theresa – hero or villain.
Hitler – hero or villian?
Ant & Dec – heroes or villains?
Finally, has anything amusing ever happened to you in connection with spoons?
Spoons? No. I don’t follow.