Apparently, Women Love 13-Year-Old Skaters Named Baby Scumbag
Apr 15 2013
Steven Fernandez, a.k.a. Baby Scumbag, is just a normal 13-year-old skater from a bad neighborhood in LA. A normal 13-year-old skater who’s sponsored by a bunch of companies, has 38,000 subscribers on Facebook and 140,000 followers on Instagram, and gets photographed with guns and sexy (adult) women. He’s been skating since he was nine (here’s a video of him at 11), but unlike other absurdly talented kids like Rene Serrano and Evan Doherty, he’s developed a whole persona that revolves around trying to get girls and eating junk food (again: typical 13-year-old). It’s hard to tell how much of that is him putting on an act and how much of that is real, but either way, young Steven knows more about what people on the internet like than all the “social media gurus” two and three times his age put together. I called him to ask what he wants to be when he grows up.
VICE: Hey, Steven, how’s it going? I didn’t force you to miss school, right?
Baby Scumbag: Hey, VICE lady. Just chillin’. Just got home from school. Got out a little early.
You like school, or what?
Yeah, school is cool, but it’s kind of tough out here in poverty. You see a lot bad stuff around here, like gang-related stuff, drugs. I live in Compton, California. The border of South Central.
So, you’re super popular at school, right?
Nah, I’m just a normal kid going to school. An average teenager.
How did you get start getting sponsored?
Well it all started when I had posted a video of skateboarding, and people actually enjoyed watching the video. As I started making more videos, I started getting more sponsors, as well.
What’s a typical day in the life of Baby Scumbag?
Hang out at school, homework, skateboarding, maybe even go film. And a little masturbation.
All photos from Baby Scumbag's Instagram
Do you want to go give a shoutout to your favorite sites?
XVideos, PornHub, Taint Olympics [Note: I don't know if that's a real website or what. I couldn't find it. I am old.], and Worldstar.
How do your parents feel about you being a skater?
My parents support me to the full extent, but my mom hates the ratchet hoes in my videos.
Have your mom and dad seen the stuff you post on social media?
No, no. I’d be screwed if they saw that.
Speaking of Facebook photos, how did you have access to a gun when you were 12?
That’s not a real gun. It looks real, though.
What about these women you’re always posing with?
They’re just cool girls that I met on Instagram and wanna be in my videos. So, I kind of get to see titties and boobies. Usually I just hit them up. I’ve got a lot of followers. And then we probably just meet up or something and film.
How old are these girls?
I’m guessing 20, 24, 23?
How did you get the one to take a selfie and write “babyscumbag” on her ass?
Is she the blondie or the brunette?
Oh, well we just exchanged numbers, and I started hitting her up, and I told her to take a picture with my name on her.
Are you actually getting with these girls?
I can’t really talk about that.
What’s the secret to picking up women?
First step to get a girl is looking up the video, “How to Get Girls” by Steven Fernandez. The second step is listen to it. Just don’t be shy. Just do it. Don’t be scared, be confident, and you’ve got it.
Where can our readers go to meet women, apart from Instagram?
Malls, maybe movies? If you’re trying to find some white ratchets, go to expensive restaurants.
Do you have a dream, Steven?
I do have a dream. It’s to have a 12-inch cock and to be a porn star.
What would you do if you couldn’t skate?
Probably basketball. Basketball’s fun. I don’t know if I would be pro, but I would do it as a hobby.
Back to skateboarding. Do you have any parts coming out soon?
I do have a premiere. I’m not sure when it’s coming out, but I’m working on it. And I also have this—I can’t really tell you, but it does have to do with MTV. I’m going to be working on it with Kreayshawn.
I read the Tumblr Storyboard article about your friendship. How did that come about?
We met off Twitter, we just started talking and became good friends. She was nice. She was funny. She’s just a good friend.
More on skating:
A Few Impressions: James Franco’s ‘Blood Meridian’ Test
No Higgs Boson of Hitler: Ron Rosenbaum Explains 'Explaining Hitler'
The Sydney Photographer Cornering the Escort Promo Shot Market
Ibogaine, the Hallucinogenic Heroin Treatment, Is on Its Way to Afghanistan
Moonshine Culture May Have Given Way to a Preference for Small-Batch Meth
Portland Bands Are Competing in a Basketball Tournament Using a Hoop Attached to a Tour Van
We Are Not Men: Only Blog Can Judge Me
The KKK Is Using Candy to Lure New Recruits
Mexicalia: Mexican Narco Music Is the Soundtrack to the War on Drugs - Part 3