Behold: The San Diego Demonoid
The Ten Commandments of the internet dictate that anyone who receives images of a "monster" is obligated to disseminate and investigate them, even though incidents like this seem to happen about once a year these days. This one apparently turned up on Pacific Beach in San Diego last week.
Dylan Dessureault, the guy who emailed us these photos, termed it a "Chupacabra/Montauk Monster-looking creature" in the subject line. Most people I've shown it to, including myself, think it's bullshit. When I replied Dylan referred me to his friend Josh Menard—the 19-year-old snowboarder from Lake Tahoe who shot the photos. Over the phone, Josh sounded sincere and naive enough (i.e. like Jeff Spicoli) to convince me that he undoubtedly believes this thing was, at one time, a living and breathing mutant hellbeast, or at the very least a member of the aforementioned Chupacabra genus. He also told me it was about two feet in length, and that "it had the body shape of a pig—kind of a fat stomach, middle area. And the canines were just ridiculously large."
When I asked Josh what he thought it was he said, "I didn't know if it was some creature from around here. I'm from Massachusetts and I don't see shit like that ever. My friends were like no, I've never seen anything like that and were pretty tripped up about it. I thought it was pretty funny and kind of mysterious." Comparing Josh's images (the only two he took, he said) to footage and photos of supposed Chupacabras that have been found across the nation, it does seem to fit three key characteristics of the mythical beast: 1) Its hind legs are longer than its front pair; 2) It appears to be mostly hairless; and 3) It looks fucking creepy. The main reasons I think it could be phony are its eyes don't look natural and that dumb looking tuft of hair that perfectly resembles a mohawk is just too good (and "California") to be true. Also, it looks like a dog someone chucked over the side of a boat, sort of.
The fact, however, that the corpse smelled like dead rotting flesh and flies filled its mouth was enough proof for Josh to believe that whatever he was looking at was biological in nature. And if you look closely in the second photo in which the body is positioned horizontally, you will notice a couple flies on its stomach (I thought they were nipples at first). So unless some prankster went out of his or her way to smear their sculptural masterpiece with Crisco, I guess it's safe to assume there's some meat in there somewhere. (I have a theory that there is this group of artists out there, planting their weird half-breed sculptures across the beaches of America—and perhaps other countries who don't care about "monsters" as much, hence we never hear about them).
Tomorrow, if you guys still care about cryptids that are more likely weirdly rotted small mammals, maybe I'll post my full interview with Josh and, after that, the interview I'll be conducting today with preeminent cryptozoologist Loren Coleman—the guy who named, and then debunked, the Montauk Monster. Till then, happy monstering.
PS: We're not sold on "San Diego Demonoid," so feel free to suggest a new name in the comments. If we like it, we'll use it, and you'll forever be known as the guy or gal who cared enough about a supposed sea beast to give it a name. So far the top contenders submitted by folks in the office are Bebop (like from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), the San Diego Rave Hog, Johnny Rotten, and just plain Diego. But, come on, we can all do better than that.