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Vice Blog

The Best and Worst Celebrity Speeches of the DNC's Final Night

Levity was on display during the DNC's final night in ways both apropos and tone deaf—but in spite of that, the ominousness of our political future loomed.

About that whole "Smile more" thing. Let's get the common fact out of the way that criticizing the first woman Presidential candidate in history for not being "warm" enough—for expressing a sense of grave urgency at a time when the United States of America's basic tenets of democracy are hanging by a single, solitary thread above a black hole of hate and fascism—is remarkably sexist any way you look at it.

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On a broader level, though: what, exactly, does anyone have to smile about lately? Yes, this week's been filled with inspiring speeches and hope-loaded rhetoric—but as Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti put it in his speech during the DNC's final night,"[Donald Trump's] politics have a darkness that would not only stop, but reverse the march of progress towards the greater, more prosperous, and more equal America we can and must become." Or: now that the Democratic party's glorified four-day slumber party has concluded, shit's about to get real.

The ever-present specter of doom and gloom didn't stop some from having a jovial attitude though. The night's most potent non-Hillary quotable line came from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who introduced himself with a five-star zinger that was funny because it was, well, true: "I'm Michael Jordan and I'm here with Hillary," he stated to confused laughter. "I said that because I know Donald Trump couldn't tell the difference."

If Abdul-Jabbar's wisecrack was perfectly acerbic and well-timed, others' attempts at injecting a bit of levity into the proceedings didn't land as well. Actress Chloe Grace Moretz has taken a bit of a beating on social media lately for tangling with the likes of Kim Kardashian in a manner decidedly un-woke, so there was a bit of internet skepticism regarding her planned appearance at the DNC—and unfortunately, it was well-warranted. "I'm a millennial," she proclaimed with all the subtlety of nails running down a chalkboard, during a brief speech focused on getting out the vote for, well, millennials. Encouraging young people to vote is a necessary service—but considering the still-ongoing efforts to disenfranchise minority voters in America, you can't help but wish that her get-out-the-vote message carried a bit more reach.

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Other out-of-touch moments included Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen's remarks regarding Hillary Clinton, who they've known since the 1970s and accordingly gushed over not unlike rich people at a cocktail function. Perhaps the most offensive moment of the DNC's final night, though, occurred during Katy Perry's statement before performing her inspo-pop anthems "Roar" and "Rise": "I have a mind, and I have a voice," she claimed, before sneering that, at the very least, a vote for Hillary would "cancel out your weird cousin's vote, if you like." Obviously, the theme of unity at this year's DNC has largely been directed towards smoothing the fissure between the party and Bernie Sanders' supporters—but it's vaguely insulting and classist statements like Perry's that only feed into the large-scale cultural divide plaguing the US, and add more fuel to Donald Trump's spiteful fire.

Perry was also arguably the closest the DNC came to booking a youth-oriented performer for this year's ceremonies (Lord knows the GOP tried, though). On the other end of the spectrum, legendary singer-songwriter Carole King took the stage to perform "You've Got a Friend," hewing much closer to the Clintons' taste profile (remember when Fleetwood Mac performed "Don't Stop" at Bill Clinton's inauguration ball?). "Hillary's got so many friends," King offered with a genuine corniness mid-performance, "And Bernie too!" The shots of Democrats in the audience swaying to the performance—an unintentional bookend to Paul Simon's DNC-kickoff appearance at the beginning of the week—was proof that even if there's clear divisions in the party's current ideological makeup, plenty of Democrats are, for better or worse, great at losing themselves to triviality if only for a few moments.

Obviously, though, there was little triviality to be had during Clinton's speech, as she capably laid out the case for supporting her (even though a collective feeling of distrust towards her still exists among voters) and urged the country to, please, for the love of all that is sacred and holy, not elect Donald Trump to the highest possible office in America. "Don't believe anyone who says, 'I alone can fix it,'" Clinton stated, later invoking President Barack Obama's speech from the previous night: "Don't boo, vote." And really, at this point, what else is there left to do?

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