Brothel News

Prostitution in the Czech Republic is something of a gray area when it comes to things like “laws” and “regulations.” It’s pretty impossible for the government to keep a handle on disease, human trafficking, and underage sex workers in a country thought to have up to 25,000 prostitutes working in it. As if Prague didn’t already have quite a lot to boast about in terms of the sex industry and human trafficking, four years ago it was home to a world first: the opening of a free brothel called Big Sister. Well, free on the grounds that you are filmed screwing, and then agree to have the film published on DVD and posted on the internet for loads of gross people to jerk off to. Eeeeeeesh.

We held back from talking about this story in the magazine until now because we never thought we’d meet anybody low enough to go through with the whole ordeal.

But then a person known as Matt Brewer, the guitarist in the hardcore group Integrity, came into our lives. He paid a visit to the brothel (while painted blue) during his band’s recent tour of Europe with Converge.

Vice: Hi Brewer. Are you OK to have a chat about Czech brothels right now?

Matt Brewer: I can give you a little bit, man, but I can’t really get too deep into it because my fucking girlfriend’s here.

Why were you painted blue for a start?

We were in Berlin a few days before, wandering around, taking pictures and shit. There was this art thing, all these kids out painting on the rail tracks. Nate [Jochum, Integrity drummer] picked up a paintbrush covered in paint and shoved it down my ear. It basically went from there. We were all like, “Let’s paint each other.” I was pretty drunk and I was just like, “Oh fuck it.” When I picked my nose there were these crazy bright blue boogers for ages.

How was the brothel? Erotic?

Converge’s bus driver was talking about it. I was like, “Wow, it’s straight up like a swingers’ party,” so I was pretty excited about it. When I got there I still had this crusted blue shit all over my balls. It was pretty funny. We had a few beers, and I was like, “What time is dinner?” They said, “About now” and I was like, “Fuck that, I’m going to get laid.” So I went there by myself. I had to pay ten euros. When I got in I was the only person there. I was expecting a big swinging thing so I was like, “What the fuck?” I was the only person there.

Where did the girls come in?

I was sitting at the bar and there was one chick I tried to bum a cigarette off and she was a real cunt to me. About 15 minutes later three broads come up, she was one of them, and they were all smiling at me. A guy talked me through them, starting with the young one I had spoken to earlier, but she was a cunt so I didn’t want anything to do with her. The third one was apparently “great at everything” so I was like, “Fuck yeah!” We took an elevator to this Arabian Nights-style room where she made me shower. I was so nervous. I’ll tell you what: I basically utilized about 12 minutes of that half-hour.

Including showering.

NATE NORMAL