Stop Fat-Shaming Chris Christie!

Photo via Flickr User Gage Skidmore.

All the hot political chatter this week has been over the burgeoning scandal overtaking the administration of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Christie's Deputy Chief of Staff Bridget Anne Kelly engineered an alleged scheme to reduce access to the George Washington Bridge to punish Fort Lee, New Jersey Mayor Mark Sokolich for not endorsing his boss during his reelection campaign. Pundits on the loony left are claiming that Governor Christie's chances at winning the White House in 2016 are greatly diminished by this trumped-up, media-engineered controversy.

There's absolutely no link between Governor Christie and Bridgegate, other than the fact that the idea was created by senior members of Christie's staff who were freely communicating about it through his office's email system in an effort to damage the reputation of their leader's political enemy. People act like that's a big deal or something. Just because this all happened under his watch doesn't mean it's his fault. It's like saying George W. Bush should be blamed for 9/11 and the financial collapse happening during his presidency. Ummm, no. Those were Obama's fault.

Typical liberal dirty tricks.

I just don't have time in my busy schedule for straw-man arguments and sensationalist distractions. I'd rather focus on the real issue here, which is that this whole scandal is sticking to Chris Christie because he's overweight and Democrats can't handle a Hungry-American in a position of authority.

You call him “Chub Chub” or “Tub Girl” or “Optimus Prime Rib” like that's funny. You think it's cool to send internet memes of Governor Christie eating a large sandwich at the Republican National Convention to your friends and co-workers, without realizing that you are perpetuating a culture of hate. He sweats through five shirts in the course of surveying the damage of Hurricane Sandy and you chuckle. The left saw this mudslinging tactic work on Rob Ford in Toronto, and now they're trying it on Governor Christie here in America. It's blatant hucksterism masquerading as political discourse.

Fat-shaming goes international.

As soon as an overweight person gets anywhere close to power in this bigoted nation, the media's knives come out, eager to carve him like a plump, moist, tender, succulent, juicy Christmas ham. Then, when they're done cutting him up into large, meaty portions, they pour hot, thick hate-gravy all over his delicious remains and chow down. The pressure of being large killed John Belushi, Chris Farley, John Candy, William Howard Taft, Elizabeth Taylor, and countless other famous Hungry-Americans. Now, the angry mob is coming for another innocent soul. They can't debate Governor Christie on his policies, so they make up stories like Bridgegate.

What the liberal media doesn't want is for the more informed voter to cut through the coded rhetoric to get to the true meaning of their slander. When a pundit says, “Chris Christie has no control over his underlings and is an ineffective, potentially crooked manager,” they're really saying, “Put down that hoagie, you fat bastard!” This is the kind of dog-whistle fat-shaming that the Democratic Party is famous for. I can't even remember the last time the Democrats sent an overweight person to Washington. I guess Barney Frank was kinda chubby, but that doesn't really count. I'm talking about legitimately obese people. I can't name one. Where's that “big tent” the Democrats are always talking about? Seems more like a very narrow cubicle with no windows, a small door, and not even one mini-fridge stocked with food and beer. Any political party that doesn't offer free Hot Pockets is no party I want to be a part of.

Let's also not forget Michelle Obama's shameful, offensive “Let's Move!” program, which blatantly institutionalized fat-shaming. Last time I checked, this was America, where fat people are still in the majority, despite the efforts of the loony left to turn this into an apartheid state where only thin people get to roam freely. The First Lady's initiative should have been named “Let's Move… to the Soviet Union and Break Rocks in the Gulag!”

If you want to be like Salon.com's Joan Walsh and count out Governor Christie, you're in for a rude awakening. I have supreme confidence that this is not the last you'll hear of Chris Christie. He'll weather this storm, as he did with Sandy, dust himself off, and get back to the business of helping the people of New Jersey (so long as they don't fuck with him). “The Mouth” will rise again! Christie/Hot Pockets 2016!

Next week, Dave's back with a new think piece on why Lena Dunham just doesn't have the body to get naked on premium cable TV. In the meantime, Dave's new book, Letters from My Therapist, explains more about how to fight back against the fat-shaming industrial complex. It's available on Amazon and iBookstore.

@dave_schilling