Chunklet to Go Go - Point Your Comedy

I'm no Frank Zappa expert… far from it. Though I did have a weird stretch during my sophomore year of high school where every time I had $15 burning a hole in my pocket I'd buy a Zappa album, starting with Strictly Genteel. I lived in the sticks. I could go months before I had a chance to buy anything besides Abba's 20th Century Masters in line at the local Fred Meyer. So I asked my brother and his friend who were going on a trip to big bad Portland, to look for Strictly Commercial, Frank's greatest hits CD, when they made a stop at Everyday Music.

They got me Strictly Genteel accidentally; Frank's “best of” classical music. Talk about a bad introduction to Zappa, especially for a 15 year old! I wanted to finally hear “Don't Eat the Yellow Snow” after hearing about it secondhand from my dad. How he knew that song, I have no idea. He didn't own any Zappa records… Did they play it on the radio in the 70s? Beats me. I didn't want to hear “The Yellow Shark.” I didn't care about crrrrrrAzy time signatures then, and I sure as hell don't now. I wanted to rock. I wanted Frank to titillate and facilitate and fertilize my burgeoning musical taste and worldview. I didn't want a music lesson!

Now… when Frank Zappa was on… he was ON. “Tell Me You Love Me” still gives me goosebumps. “Peaches En Regalia” still sounds like nothing else. But for every “Tell Me You Love Me” Frank wrote, it seems like he wrote ten “Muffin Man”s, and it's a shame.

No, humor does not belong in music, unless your band name is McLusky or Future of the Left.

I'm kidding, of course. I'm a staff writer for Chunklet. I don't take anything seriously. I think if you want to become a musician, and please do, you should decide early on whether you want to be taken sort of seriously, or if you want to have fun. Many bands have struck a balance, but in Frank's case, I think the scales tipped to both sides at the same time, and each side detracted from the other.

Now that I mention McLusky/Future of the Left, I'd like to explore them a little, because their song titles are some of the greatest ever. “You Need Satan More than He Needs You,” “Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues,” (that one is possibly the greatest title ever, and the song is stone cold classic), “Collagen Rock”? Forget about it. They're the greatest. I change my mind. Humor does belong in music, as long as it's as pointed as this band. I'm glad they instantly reformed under a different band name.

Another anomaly in the musical comedy world is a little known album by Kevin Drumm with Weasel Walter and Fred Lonberg-Holm called Eruption, which is probably the tamest thing about the album. No, it has nothing to do with Van Halen! Shame on you! If you want a noisy take on Van Halen, check out Tim Hecker's My Love is Rotten to the Core.

Eruption is probably the biggest headscratcher of a noise album I've ever seen. You don't even have to listen to it to appreciate it.

Some of the titles:

Please Chop Your Penis Off (Now)
Crank Up the Bullshit Knob to 10
It's Shit!
“I Take My Hangovers Like a Real Man”
I Just Whaled on a Music Critic with a Baseball Bat
Take Me Seriously or I'll Start Crying
The Pat Boone of Improvised Music Walks Among Us
We're Funny, and if You Don't Agree, You're Stupid
Serious Music with Sardonic Song Titles
Pretending to Wreck My Musical Equipment Makes Me Feel Tough
Give That Guy Some More Press Coverage, Quick!
“You Aren't Being Avantgarde in the Correct Way”
Your Unlistenable Musical Masturbations Aren't Quite as Interesting as Mine
I Released 78,032 Different Compact Discs of Improvised Music Last Week (And Sold 14)
“In 20 Years I'll Probably Like Your Music, But Right Now I Think You're a Total Dick”

If every noise/improve/ambient music had this great of a sense of humor, the world would be just a little bit better to live in. I'm not complaining though, because I never foresee any of the great improv/noise musicians of our day ever writing anything half as terrible as “Disco Boy.” We truly live in an enlightened society.

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