Clyde’s Corner – Andy Macdonald Is Not a Kook

Look. I’m getting’ sick of y’all disrespecting the Gawd Andy Mac. I mean, what does this dude have to do to get that D.Wade/Kevin Garnett respect in the game? The stats match up: He’s got a highly decorated trophy case, went toe-to-toe with the best, and saved y’all money on getting your lil’ dirty-ass nieces and nephews some gear and kicks at Target and Payless, respectively.

But all the while y’all been treating this dude like the Rodney Dangerfield of skateboarding. I’m sick of it, and am personally gonna detail why y’all should respect the miggity-miggity, miggity-miggity Mac Daddy.

HE JUMPED A BUNCH OF OSCAR MAYER TRUCKS 
Anybody remember this shit?! This was probably well before most of you dweebs started scratching and sniffing yourselves, but if memory serves, the Gawd had over a dozen of them Oscar Mayer trucks pulled up in his backyard. Jumped all them joints. You know what it’s like to fly hundreds of feet through the air while the stench of hot dog water drifts through your nasal passage? Didn’t think so.

HE STRESSES THE IMPORTANCE OF SAFETY
Hate him all you want, but he’s not one of them dudes up on the ramp trying to prove he doesn’t need a helmet and pads. Your kid sees one of those cats with no helmet on, and next thing you know they’re coming back from the skatepark looking like Rocky Dennis. Who you gonna blame?

HE’S A SLIGHTLY FAT DUDE WHO CAN STILL TWIST AND DO FLIPS
I’m 6’1” and weigh all of 168 pounds. Last time I tried a flip of any sort I wound up loosing a huge patch of hair. Not a problem for the Mac Man, though. Somehow homie can effortlessly spin and twist in and out of all kinds of shit that makes them manatee-shaped, slightly mustached women in the Olympics look stupid. What kinda “kook” can do that, especially in his late 30s?

HE’S RICHER THAN YOU’LL EVER BE
What? I don’t respect broke people. Whatsoever. If you do, that’s probably why you’re still poor as hell and your life’s an emotional rollercoaster. Step ya stunt-wood game up like the Mac Daddy, and maybe one day you could be snacking on some of the finest sea meats in evertivity. Until then, have fun hating on the sideline with that five-piece spicy nugget.

HE CAN DO HALF-CAB FRONTSIDE BLUNTS ON VERT
This trick alone puts his swagger on full tilt. First off, a frontside blunt on vert is serious business. None of you goof nuggets would know, because you spend most of your time playing S-K-A-T-E on the flat bottom. That being said, I have no idea how dude does this trick. One of the hardest tricks, and the big homie Mac’avelli does it on vert. Gotta salute that.

HE’S RESPECTED BY TONY HAWK
Realistically, this is all that has to be known about anyone in skateboarding. Birdman dapping the Gawd up on the platform must make y’all nerds sick to your stomach. Good. When you can get up on that ramp and choreograph a masterful doubles run with the Hawk, maybe you’ll get dapped one day too. Until then, y’all need to chill with the hate for the Mac’nificent One.

I’m out. Heading downtown to find me some meat wallet to get into, then follow that up by doing something really stupid like calling my ex. Typical Saturday. No biggie. Until next week, y’all be easy.

@Hustlemania