Crush Cakes: New Zealand's Talent Pool

July 11, 2013, 2:50am

New Zealand? More like Babe Babeland! I may not be particularly patriotic, or even slightly patriotic, but I will concede that we can deliver on the following: exquisite dairy products, cool music, and stone cold babes. Though my crushing is as vast as the majestic Lake Taupo, I have here narrowed it down to three people. All this makes for a slightly different crush cake due to novelty value, indecision, and because NZ is so small that I might bump into one of these people and sharing the love makes things feel less awkward.

Image via

Willy Moon: Smooth Singer/Guy

With cheekbones like that and the way he wears a suit in such a belabored yet artful manner, it almost don’t matter that I love his music. Willy Moon is this ingénue musician who is suddenly all over the place, possibly the result of touring with Jack White and scoring a song on an Apple advert. The upshot of all that is that there is now a lot of swanky photos of him doing things like adjusting his cufflinks, dancing angularly, or sneering insouciantly at the camera. In short: swoon to the swoon.

Image via

Robbie Magasiva: Actor

Ever since The Strip (a fairly great early 2000s TV show about a woman who opens a strip club for women) I’ve had a thing for this buff guy. His smile could melt an expensive scented candle and if there were Butt Awards (if I have my way there will be), he would be going home with the blue ribbon. Objectification aside, he is a funny guy who seems nice enough and has been fantastic in everything I’ve seen him in. But for now, let’s get back to thinking about the Butt Awards.

Image via

Anna Paquin: Actor/TV nudist

Teeth, I like ‘em gappy. Paquin is just so disarmingly pretty, and while NZ awkwardly claims any celebrities we can (Courtney Love is on Wikipedia’s list of NZ musicians) her NZ connection is fairly legit. I know True Blood is utterly bananas, but she’s a complete babe in it. You can’t ignore all that running around in tiny shorts and having a southern accent. Also I only just found out the character she played in Almost Famous was called Polexia Aphrodisia, although that was out of her control it still makes me like her more.

But what does one make for three such disparate crushes? I had no idea what could encompass all three of them. I considered a very Kiwi pavlova (don’t fight it Australia) but then remembered I like rice bubble cake even better. Surely an enormous version of it could be faintly meaningful—meaningfully delicious.

Giant Rice Bubble Cake

I know America has their marshmallow version of this, but I do not fool with it. Especially when NZ’s version is all golden and toffeed, with the fudgy crunch of boiled sugar and the salty richness of butter. Get a big oven dish and line it with baking paper. Then melt: 250g butter, 1-cup sugar, and two heaped tablespoons each of honey, and golden syrup. Let it come to the boil, then tip it into a huge bowl with 8-9 cups of rice bubbles and carefully stir it all together. Tip this into the oven dish, use the back of a spoon to press it all down evenly, and allow to cool. Once cooled slice into squares, or just pick it up with both hands and take a bite. You’re a grown woman and this is your house and you can do what the hell you please, within the guidelines of the tenancy agreement.

Note: You can totally halve this. I more or less followed the recipe from the Edmonds cookbook. I probably shouldn’t have to tell you this, but the boiling sugar-butter-syrup mix is hot like fire. Be careful when licking the spoon.