Cry-Baby of the Week
Apr 19 2013
It's time, AGAIN, to be surprised by how lame everyone on Earth is:
Cry-Baby #1: Breen Malmberg
The incident: A Christian guy played a video game in which his character did something he had a moral issue with.
The appropriate response: I have no idea. It's a fucking video game. You're playing as another person. This is such a nonproblem that I can't even think what an appropriate response would be.
The actual response: He wrote a letter to the company he bought the game from, demanding a refund.
At the start of the game Bioshock Infinite, you have to be baptized in order to be let in to the fictional city of Columbia. A character asks, "Will you be cleansed, brother?" And you have to press a button to "accept baptism."
This is as far into the game as a player named Breen Malmberg (which, translated into Swedish means "weighty poop"), managed to get.
Breen, a Christian, was upset that the game was asking him to "commit extreme blasphemy," so he turned off the game, and wrote to Valve, the company he purchased it from, saying:
"I cannot play it because at the very beginning of the game there is a section of the game that is so offensive to my religious beliefs that I cannot proceed with it any further. I did not know this section of the game was there and had no way of knowing it was there before-hand as it was not shown in any trailers, previews, screenshots or other marketing material. The player is forced to make a choice which amounts to extreme blasphemy in my religion (Christianity) in order to proceed any further – and am therefore forced (in good conscience) to quit playing and not able to experience approx. 99% of the content in the game. There is no option to turn this particular content off or to bypass or skip it in any way.
In Modern Warfare 2, they at least allowed you to skip a particularly offensive level. This is the same sort of thing for me, but there is no way to skip it in this case. Please issue a full refund or store credit in the amount of the price of the game (Bioshock Infinite) as I had no idea that I would not be able to play this game before I bought it. If you need further convincing, I will use the analogy that if you were a Muslim, it would be like forcing the player into an in-game action of "Press x to spit on the face of Allah" in order to proceed any further with the game and with no choice or way around doing so [SIC]."
According to Breen, Valve gave him a full refund.
I guess he had a lucky escape. If he was that upset by a mock baptism, I can't even begin to think how he would have reacted to the countless acts of murder you have to commit while playing.
Cry-Baby #2: Scott Biumi
The incident: An off-duty policeman got sick of waiting at the McDonald's drive-through.
The appropriate response: Nothing. Maybe honking.
The actual response: He threatened a guy at gun point.
Last week, Scott Biumi, who is a detective sergeant with the DeKalb Country Police Department in Georgia, was waiting in the drive-through of his local McDonald's.
Scott felt that his food was taking too long, and got really, really angry at the person sitting in the truck ahead of him in the line.
He pulled his car in front of the truck, got out, and started yelling at the driver, 18-year-old high school senior Ryan Mash.
According to police, Scott then pulled out a gun, pointed it in Ryan's face and screamed, "You don't know who you're fucking with!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, can you imagine actually seeing a person say, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE FUCKING WITH!" in real life? I know Scott had a gun in his face and everything, but I think I would still have had a hard time keeping a straight face at that.
Oh God, now I'm imagining Scott practicing saying that in front of the mirror alone at home (which he definitely did), and it's making me sad.
Anyway, after threatening Ryan with the gun, Scott drove off. Unfortunately for him, one of Ryan's friends memorized Scott's license plate and passed it on to police, who then went to his house and arrested him for aggravated assault.
He was released on bail, and is currently on paid administrative leave.
In a statement, Forsyth County Sheriff Duan K. Piper said, "It appears that he had a severe break in judgment. It appears that the entire situation evolved from him being angry at the time it was taking for him to get his food."
Which one of these tools is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below:
Winner: The slow driver guy!!!
AssMatrix.com Analyzes the Asses of the Masses
Should We Televise the Trials of Famous Murderers?
Having a Tibetan Sky Burial Means Birds Will Slowly Eat Your Corpse
I Had to Survive London Fashion Week on Free Gifts Alone
The Scottish Independence Campaign Lost Because It Didn't Win Over Glasgow's Poor
Time-Travel Movies Are Garbage
Cambodian Surf Rockers Were Awesome, but the Khmer Rouge Killed Them
I Dressed Like an Idiot at Fashion Week to See How Easy It Is to Get Street-Snapped
The Ultimate Basic Bitch Tournament
The Future of Our Gay Neighborhoods