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      Cry-Baby of the Week

      September 6, 2013
      Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

      By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

      West Coast Editor

      Cry-Baby #1: Samuel Drew


      screencaps via WCTI12, via Reddit

      The incident: A dog got in a man's way while he was walking over a bridge. 

      The appropriate response: Stepping around or over it, depending on the size of the dog.

      The actual response: He picked up the dog and threw it off the bridge. 

      Last Saturday, 36-year-old Samuel Drew was walking in New Bern, North Carolina.

      As he was walking across the town's Alfred A. Cunningham drawbridge, two dogs started following him. 

      According to New Bern Police, Samuel picked up one of the dogs (a hound mix, pictured above) and threw it off the side of the bridge. It fell 20 feet into the water. 

      A couple who were in their boat spotted Samuel throwing the dog into the water, and were able to save it.

      Police say that Drew tried to throw a second dog, a pit bull, off the bridge as well, but was unable to catch it before being stopped by police.  

      The hound and the pit bull were both taken in by animal control.

      When asked why he'd thrown the dog by a reporter from WCTI12 News, Samuel said, "Because it got in the way."

      Samuel is currently being held on a $5,000 secure bond. If convicted, he faces up to ten years in prison. 

      Cry-Baby #2: Kimberly Hall
       
       
      The incident: A woman thought that some girls her sons were friends with on Facebook were dressed too provocatively. 
       
      The appropriate response: Nothing.
       
      The actual response: She blocked all of her sons' friends she thought were too slutty. Like, from her sons' profiles. 
       
      Last week, Christian blogger Kimberly Hall wrote a blog post called "FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)."
       
      The blog post, which is an open letter, is addressed to the female friends of her three teenage sons (pictured above). 
       
      She opens the letter with the not-at-all-creepy revelation that she and her family sometimes spend the evening looking through the Facebook pictures of her sons' female friends, "Dear girls, I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through your social media photos."
       
      However, recently she has been noticing a startling, slutty new trend with the photos teenage girls are posting: "It appears that you are not wearing a bra. I get it—you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know."
       
      Then she drops some hard biology facts on the reader, "I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it? You don’t want the [my sons] to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?"
       
      And this has left her with only one choice: she is blocking any girl that she sees posting anything she deems inappropriate, "in our house, there are no second chances, ladies. If you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. If you try to post a sexy selfie, or an inappropriate YouTube video—even once—you’ll be booted off our on-line island."
       
      For some reason, she thinks this is punishment for the blocked girls, as being blocked by her means they will never get a chance to be married to one of her three super desirable sons, "Every day I pray for the women my boys will love. I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient—and act honorably—while they wait for her."
       
      But there's hope. She ends the letter, which, amazingly, is accompanied by a picture of her sons with no shirts on, by offering the women who haven't yet been blocked a chance to redeem themselves: "Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do—don’t fret—I’ve made some doozies), RUN to your accounts and take down anything that makes it easy for your male friends to imagine you naked in your bedroom."
       
      So, if anyone reading this is friends with any of these kids, what're you waiting for? RUN and delete those pictures of yourselves in towels and pajamas. If you play your cards right, maybe you can one day have this fucking psychopath as a mother-in-law. 
       
      Which of these loons is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll right here:

       

       

       
      Winner: The police!!!
       

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      Topics: Cry-Baby of the Week, Samuel Drew, Kimberley Hall, People throwing dogs off bridges, facebook, shirtless teenaged boys

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