Cry-Baby #1: Lorenzo Riggins
The incident: McDonald's messed up a guy's order.
The appropriate response: Complaining to the manager.
The actual response: He called the police.
Last week, East Albany, Georgia, resident Lorenzo Riggins went to his local McDonald's.
He placed an order for "seven McDoubles and one chicken and one fries."
After leaving the restaurant, Lorenzo realized he hadn't been given everything he ordered, "When I got to my truck and I got ready to leave, I looked in my bag and come to find out I had six McDoubles," he told WALB News.
Lorenzo then went back inside and spoke with an employee, but, according to Lorenzo, she was not helpful, "She was trying to get an attitude with me and I said I'm going to call the police."
And Lorenzo did actually call the fucking police. Who, unsurprisingly, came and arrested him for misuse of 911.
He spent the night in the cells before appearing before a judge. His case was dismissed, as the judge decided the night he'd already spent locked up was punishment enough.
Lorenzo says that he still plans to eat at McDonald's. Despite everything that happened.
Also speaking to WALB, Jim Vaught, the deputy director of the Albany EMA, said "it's really not funny." Which, clearly, is a lie.
Cry-Baby #2: Rebecca Simons
The incident: A woman got called out for cutting in front of a guy at the McDonald's drive-through.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: She stabbed the guy she cut in front of.
Earlier this week, 45-year-old Rebecca Simons tried to cut in line at the drive-through of the McDonald's in Riverview, Florida.
The guy she was cutting in front of, Mohammad Abukhder, yelled at her from his car.
Rebecca then allegedly leaped out of her car, and stabbed the hood of Mohammad's car with a knife, causing $200 in damage. Mohammad got out of his car and attempted to take Rebecca's keys to stop her from leaving the scene while he called the police.
This, police say, is when Rebecca stabbed Mohammad in the right ass cheek. She was arrested at the scene and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon as well as criminal mischief with property damage.
Mohammad did not require hospital treatment.
Winner: The school!!!