It's time, once again, to marvel at some people who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Portland
The incident: A guy pissed in a reservoir.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: The city of Portland dumped out about 8 million gallons of water from the reservoir, costing thousands of dollars.
Workers at Mt. Tabor reservoir in Portland, OR called police after surveillance cameras captured an unidentified 21-year-old man urinating by the water's edge.
The man was not arrested or charged, but city officials made the decision to dump out almost 8 million gallons of drinking water from the reservoir, at a cost of $36,000.
In an interview with Oregon Live, David Shaff, administrator for the Portland Water Bureau admitted that they often find dead animals inside the reservoir, but do not dump the water out in those instances.
In fact, he said, the decision to drain millions of gallons of water due to about half a pint of urine was not based on any kind of actual logic, "Do you want to drink pee?" he asked.
"It has nothing to do with scientifically" he went on, "Most people are gonna be pretty damn squeamish about that." Presumably David is unaware that the many critters, birds, and fish that live/die in and around the reservoir also pee.
This is actually the fourth time in five years that the reservoir has had to be drained due to a "contamination incident," and the second it has been drained because of human pee.
Cry-Baby #2: Hillcrest Middle School
AZ Central via Reddit / Screencap via AZ Central
The incident: A kid drew a picture of a bomb.
The appropriate response: Telling him it's good if it's good. Still telling him it's good even if it's bad, he's a kid.
The actual response: The boy's school suspended him.
Rhett Parham, pictured above, is a 13-year-old autistic boy who goes to Hillcrest Middle School in Greenville County, SC.
According to his mother Amy, Rhett drew a picture of a cartoon bomb, that was inspired by the game Bomberman 64, a game Rhett often watches videos of on YouTube.
She said that Rhett took the drawing of the bomb to his school and showed it to some students. According to Amy, one of these students then went and told school officials that Rhett was armed with a drawing of a cartoon bomb.
Due to the school's zero-tolerance policy on "threats of violence," Rhett was instantly suspended.
According to Amy, she didn't actually believe Rhett was being suspended when the school phoned to tell her, as the situation seemed too ridiculous.
Once she'd established that the school wasn't joking (presumably after a very awkward phone conversation), she went to the school to collect Rhett.
Speaking to NBC News, Amy said, "I'm angry. I'm upset and I'm incredulous, honestly, that a child could come in and bring a drawing and that's somehow perceived as a threat—especially someone with special needs who really doesn't filter information the same way that typical children do."
After being contacted by NBC News, the school district released a statement, saying:
"It is important and necessary to thoroughly investigate any threat to student safety, including a student's intent. This is one of the most difficult judgments a school official must make. This investigation began when threatening comments were made, resulting in the responsible removal of the student from the school to ensure everyone's safety while the incident and intent were assessed.
Amy will meet with school officials next Wednesday to find out when Rhett will be able to go back to school.
Which of these fine organizations is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:
Winner: The ball banners!!!