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      Cry-Baby of the Week

      March 28, 2013
      Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

      By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

      West Coast Editor

      Hey, it's that time of the week where we laugh at some butthurt cry-babies again!  

      Cry-Baby #1: James Watson

      (via)

      The incident: A guy drunkenly passed out on a couch. When he woke up, he discovered someone had drawn dicks on his face. 

      The appropriate response: Nothing. Them's the rules.

      The actual response: Dick-face went crazy and beat up the guy who drew on him. 

      Last Saturday night, James Watson (pictured above), got drunk and fell asleep on the couch at his home in Lyon Village, Virginia.

      At some point, one of his roommates drew several penises on his face with a permanent marker. 

      Around 5 AM, James woke up and, discovering the facial etchings, flew into a rage. He ran upstairs to where his roommate was sleeping and jumped on top of him, repeatedly punching him, causing “extensive injuries to his face."

      The roommate had to go to the hospital and James was arrested and charged with malicious wounding. 

      Police officers often get a bad rep, but I would like to take this opportunity to publicly congratulate whoever it was that decided James shouldn't be allowed to properly wash the dicks off his face before taking his mug shot. You are an American hero. 


      Cry-Baby #2: Castle View School

      (via Matt Tobin)

      The incident: A schoolchild got hit in the face with a triangular granola bar (called flapjacks in the UK) during a food fight.

      The appropriate response: The school disciplining the kid who threw it at him. 

      The actual response: The school banned triangular granola bars, claiming they were "too dangerous."

      During a food fight last week at the Castle View school in Canvey Island, Essex, a pupil was hit in the face with a triangular granola bar. Though the nature of his injuries are not specified in this news report, they were apparently serious enough to warrant sending him home for the rest of the day. 

      The school held a review on "the shape and the texture of its flapjacks" and decided that, in the interests of student safety, granola bars are now banned. All future granola bars must be either rectangles or squares. 

      I'm not an expert on geometry, but I feel that the flapjacks are probably more dangerous, now that they have four corners rather than three. 

      Which one of these guyz is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below. Thank you for your time:

       

       

      Previously: The drunk woman who hates trains vs. The drunk woman who doesn't know what 911 is for

      Winner: The train hater!!!

      Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT

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      Topics: drawing dicks on people's faces, triangular flapjacks, square flapjacks, rectangular flapjacks, flapjacks, jack-flaps, Castle View School, Essex, Jamie Lee Curtis Taete, Cry-Baby of the Week

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