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      Cum - Don't Do It

      December 1, 2001


      I’m not sure why exactly, but every so often, in the wee small hours of the morning, the conversation turns to injaculation. At least if I’m present it does. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we injaculators secretly crave community with others who also practice this ancient and arcane technique of self-manipulation. Talking about it may be the only way to identify those special fellow jerk-off artists. Or maybe it’s just a way to get some hot guy to pull down his pants so you can show him where his million dollar spot is.

      What exactly is injaculation for men, you ask? No, it’s not a new Calvin Klein fragrance. It’s the opposite of female ejaculation, of course. Many of you may not know (or want to know) that by practicing a special technique of muscle control, a woman can ejaculate much further and more forcefully than a man. On the other hand (so to speak) a man can learn how to masturbate without ejaculating, releasing his sperm inside his body and thereby achieving a more full-bodied, less genitalia-centric orgasm. It takes a big man to be willing to take on the possibility of the deeper, potentially multi-orgasmic sexual sensations that a woman experiences. In fact, the psychological implications constitute the first stumbling block for men attempting to achieve injaculation; i.e., are you woman enough?

      Psychology aside, there is a basic technique that men can learn to achieve the art of “coming inside.” I personally have been in-jack-off-ulating since I hit puberty, so my personal style has evolved through many years of experimentation and refinement. I’m not sure how I first stumbled upon the realization that I could cum without soiling the sheets, but knowing that I could masturbate without leaving any pesky evidence for my mother to discover on washday certainly provided me with added incentive to continue practicing this odd bit of legerdemain.

      I suspect that many men have at least once in their lives experienced an injaculation involuntarily, either solo or with a partner. One of those odd times when you thought you came, but it felt different somehow — no spunk was forthcoming. This is because whatever position you chanced upon corresponded with the proper technique for injaculation. You see, during ejaculation semen passes through the urethra, the tube leading from the prostate to the penis. If you touch yourself (and I know that you do) between the anus and the scrotum — a no man’s land known as the perineum — just prior to ejaculation, you can feel the expanded urethra through which semen would normally pass. By applying pressure to this area, you can detour your spawn to another part of your body.



      This is where it gets tricky. Where, precisely, is this “million dollar spot” (as it is called in capitalistic circles) and how should the pressure be applied? According to JackinWorld.com, one of the main sources of my exhaustive research, one should use the “finger lock technique” whereby the tips of the ring and middle fingers are laid over the index finger, and then placed firmly on the perineum. If you’re right-handed, you will likely be jerking with your right hand and applying pressure under your balls with your left hand, and vice versa for southpaws (unless you’re one of those perverts who likes to beat off with the opposite hand just because it feels more like someone else is doing you). The idea is for the two fingers on top to hold the index finger in place as it closes off the urethra. I find this technique unnecessarily complicated. The index and middle fingers side by side work just as well.

      As for the location of the elusive spot, if you place the two fingers under your balls and feel around a little, you will notice something just above the anus an area that yields to slight pressure, kind of like the soft spot on the top of a baby’s head. This is the male G-spot. That none of my subjects seem to be able to pinpoint the exact nexus of this point adds a certain mystique to the whole enterprise, but trust me, it’s there. And because the point lies along a line including both the pubococcygeus muscle (which connects the anus to the scrotum) and the inner end of the corpus spongiosum (a long internal chamber running through the entire length of the penile shaft which swells to create the erection), the manipulation of the perineum is pleasurable in itself.

      But all of this may be surplus to your information requirements. The perineum is kind of like Ontario — yours to discover. The question now is, why injaculate? The fact that it’s less messy hardly provides sufficient motivation. But consider this: one ejaculation, which represents a single tablespoon of semen, contains the same amount of proteins, vitamins, minerals and amino acids as four full-course meals. Or, eight ounces of steak, ten eggs, six oranges and two lemons. A man requires one to three weeks to replenish the nutrition required to manufacture one healthy ejaculation containing 500 million spermatozoa. Furthermore, when you spill your spawn, there are insufficient leftover nutrients supplied to your vital organs and biological systems. This is why after a wank you can feel de-energized, lethargic or even depressed. They don’t call it a petit mort (little death) for nothing.

      Ultimately, though, it may all come down to a spiritual thang. After all injaculation is championed most vociferously by Taoists and proponents of Tantrism, which is, among other things, a means to spiritual enlightenment through sexual liberation by tapping into your kundalini (the fire-snake at the base of your spine; sexual energy). Using the aforementioned finger technique, you should also breathe deeply and visualize a wave of energy traveling up your spine to the top of your head as you come. The movement of injaculation is upward toward immortal life, eternity and the Divine; not downward through the seven glands, depleting them, toward death, as with ejaculation.

      Or, you can think of it as dropping a load in your own body. Go ahead, fuck yourself!

      ONE EJACULATION CONTAINS THE SAME AMOUNT OF PROTEINS, VITAMINS, MINERALS AND AMINO ACIDS AS EIGHT OUNCES OF STEAK, TEN EGGS, SIX ORANGES AND TWO LEMONS.


      Speaking of which, where does your spunk go when you injaculate? If you are using improper technique you may achieve retrograde ejaculation, whereby your sperm is released into your bladder. This is bad because you will then just piss away all those precious nutrients. If you injaculate properly, your sperm will be magically re-absorbed into your bloodstream. There is a test for this, which I just tried when I jerked off a little while ago. After injaculating, pee in a glass container. If it appears cloudy and opaque, you’ve fucked up; if it’s clear, like your conscience, then you’re on your way to nirvana.

      Most of the Western doctors I’ve encountered caution against injaculation. They say it may weaken your “pee valve,” so that your cum and your urine get mixed up, or that it may harm your perineum or your prostate by backing up systems that are meant to flow forward. Eastern medicine, however, maintain that reversing flows of natural systems is very healthy — that’s why they’re always standing on their heads. It seems that there’s no clear evidence either way related directly to health problems, so it’s your call. But one good rule of thumb I encountered is, “If it hurts, don’t do it.” Masochists excepted.

      If you do decide to check it out, remember practice makes perfect. Eventually you should be able to injaculate without using your fingers at all, by sheer concentration, and even make it so during intercourse. That’s where the fun begins because after injaculating you may not feel like kicking your partner out of bed right after you’ve fucked him or her. You might be ready right away for unsloppy seconds.

      Oh, and if you do fuck it up and still cum in your hand, I suggest you try rubbing it all over your face. As Helen Gurley Brown pointed out in Cosmo in the 70s, it makes a great facial.

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