David Haye Is the Fun Kind of Crazy

Sort-of retired British fighter David “The Hayemaker” Haye seems like a decent bloke, if you will; VICE once went with him to Senegal to visit orphans and reflect on his ancestry at the Goree House of Slaves. That’s Haye at his most low-key and respectful though. When the boxing media’s cameras are on, the former World Cruiserweight and Heavyweight champion is a world-class loudmouth and fits in perfectly with the sport’s rich tradition of self-promotional bickering. In fact, these days he might be better at play-acting than he is at beating guys up.

Out-of-ring altercations, commonplace in boxing, never fail to blur the lines between reality and preconceived theatrics designed to promote a fight. There's rarely a weigh-in or press conference without at least a shoving match—Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier once came to blows, in ABC’s Wide World of Sports studio while recapping a fight, with Howard Cosell providing commentary.

Now Haye’s picked fellow Briton Dereck Chisora as a new foil and a way to help the former champ stumble back into the spotlight, or even reclaim it, and the resulting press-conference brawl shows why heavyweight boxing in its current form is more entertaining outside the ring.

Haye crashed the post-fight Chisora-Wladimir Klitschko news conference on Saturday—a classic boxing move—and insulted Chisora, and the two brawled in an unofficial capacity. Pretty standard fare among the annals of boxing press-conference fight history, though Haye lacerating the head of his own manager with a camera tripod was a new twist.

Chisora is sort of a kindred spirit for Haye, equally crazy but a little more dangerous. He slapped Vitali Klitschko at the weigh-in, then spat water in (brother) Wladimir’s face in the ring before Saturday’s fight. We can assume Haye is simply up to his old tricks, but Chisora just might be a legitimate lunatic—albeit a talented one who had the best performance against one of the sport-dominating Klitschko brothers in years.

The American mainstream boxing media proclaimed the Haye-Chisora scuffle incident “yet another black eye for boxing.” British boxing authorities clucked their tongues and blustered about a lifetime ban for Chisora that won’t happen. (How dare those dudes who are paid to punch each other punch each other!) Everyone who vowed they’d never again pay any attention to Haye rediscovered how much they love to hate him, as evidenced by how they gleefully handed over the spotlight to him once again.

Haye has been in the spotlight for a while, of course, but it shone brightest during his piece de publicity resistance: A three-year baiting of the Klitschkos, where, in the run-up to his July 2011 fight against Wladimir, Haye taunted Wlad repeatedly, wearing a t-shirt that depicted himself holding the decapitated heads of the two brothers.

That Haye-Wlad fight was, of course, more hyped than any heavyweight fight in recent memory and ended up being a colossal letdown. Haye, outclassed and outweighed, effectively refused to scrap and lost by unanimous decision, and blamed his performance on a broken pinky toe that he tweeted pictures of after the fact. Boxers rarely get a pass on injuries to begin with—Bernard Hopkins was widely accused of faking an injury which turned out to be a dislocated shoulder—and Haye wasn’t going to drum up too much sympathy for his injured little toe. Haye subsequently “retired,” saying he'd only fight Wlad's older brother, though, to be fair, he was smart to say such a stupid thing: After such a poor showing, Haye barely deserved to fight again on such a significant stage, and unless it was against Vitali, the division’s co-crown prince, no one would watch anyway.

It's well known in boxing that far more than competence, controversy sells. Neither Klitschko has lost a bout since 2004, and they’re both likable and dignified; Vitali has a PhD and started his own Ukrainian political party, while Wladimir is a noted humanitarian (and incidentally, used to date the cheerleader from the show Heroes). But they won't fight each other and their methodical destruction of a string of relatively anonymous opponents has sucked the life out of the heavyweight division. Haye getting into the mix again might at least provide some outside-the-ring entertainment, if not quality boxing.

Haye’s obvious grabs for attention might be transparent, but if he fights Vitali or Chisora—big if, as no one knows yet who’s fighting who next, or when—everyone who has been decrying his nonsense will nonetheless watch, which is the whole point. Regardless of outcome, Haye finds ways to cash out simply because he knows how to play the game. And it has more to do with moving your mouth than moving your hands.

@Sportsangle