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As a vocalist for a permanently local hobby metal band I decided that he made the perfect lyrical subject for the EP I was writing, as well as the supplemental five part hip-hopera (available only at Sam Goody stores). A beloved old man, who was part of one of the most storied programs in college football history, starts a charity for underprivileged and at risk youths, later honored by President Bush (41), that he turns into a grooming facility for the soon to be molested. What could be better, I ask you? Metal is supposed to be all “dark and scary and stuff.” What is more “dark and scary and stuff” than that!?!? Well I’ll tell you what in the next paragraph! Away we go!In mid-August my former boss asked me to come by the bar he owns to smoke a bowl and catch up on stuff. We’re talking and laughing, just having a real good old fashioned “time." He asks me about the band and I tell him that just yesterday we paid the initial deposit to start the record pressing process for our new EP “The Tickler.” Instantly he knows it’s named after Sandusky and he replies with a laugh, “Well Jim, have you heard what those crazy fuckers over in Netherlands are doin’?” I had not. “They’re takin’ kids, fuckin’ ‘em, takin’ pictures of ‘em, and eaten’ ‘em. Interpol says they got a picture of a one year old child in a roasting pan like a piglet. Had an apple in his mouth and everything.” I immediately raced out to my car, then realized I was blazed out of my mind so I drive home real slow and deliberate like, checking the rearview every two seconds. I get home and start reading about this giant international child-rape-cannibalism super secret no girls allowed club. At this point there are 43 child molester dudes in seven countries and 140ish molested kids, the youngest of which was 19 days old. Unholy mother of shit, one of the members was a fucking childrens puppeteer for chist’s sake!
