Dear Diary

Entry: Spring 1994

By LESLEY ARFIN

Spring 1994

I saw Ben and Ryan last night. I think I like Ben better but I’m not sure how he feels about me. Ryan and I were flirting a lot more. Then I had a dream about Christian. I don’t know what to do. This morning at 8 o’clock a blue car pulled up to my house and started honking really loud. Finally a girl came out and screamed “I HATE YOU!” I called Ryan and he didn’t call me back. I am a nice person now. I don’t know who I like, Ryan, Ben, or Christian.

Spring 2002

I ended up picking Ben because I don’t think Ryan liked me “in that way” and Christian thought I was too weird. Plus, he liked Candlebox. Lame.

Ben was awesome. He was more like a best friend than a boyfriend. He would write me notes all the time and spell “nice” like, “NYCE!” and he’d even gossip with me. I think we broke up because we lived far from each other and my mom was sick of driving me to his house. That’s a friend-like reason to stop hanging out, not a boyfriend reason. You don’t break up with a guy because your mom’s bored. In retrospect I think he was either gay or so anesthetized by pot that he wasn’t horny enough to be a boyfriend. Aren’t 14-year-olds supposed to be obsessed with sex? I used to have to nag him to kiss me and almost force his hands down my pants. That’s not right. Maybe he thought I was a loser. I did get beat up at least once a week and that can’t be a huge turn-on for a guy. It’s strange to read that blue car thing and see how unfazed I was by it. Like it was a day-to-day occurrence. I don’t even think rapists and murderers have people get out of their cars and scream, “I hate you” at them. Geez.

LESLEYARFIN