What Trump's VP Pick Will Say About His Campaign

Vice presidential picks are rarely exciting. The general idea is to find someone who complements the candidate's qualities but is also utterly safe, a non-liability that enrages no core constituencies. The worst-case scenario is someone like Sarah Palin, who took the wheel of John McCain's faltering 2008 campaign and drove it off a bridge; or Thomas Eagleton, George McGovern's 1972 pick, who immediately sank the ticket when it was revealed he'd been hospitalized for depression—a fact that the McGovern campaign hadn't been aware of.

So ordinarily, discussions of VP picks tend to be a bit dull, and are mostly just a way for presidential campaigns to keep themselves in the news and send various signals to their bases; it seems unlikely that Hillary Clinton will actually pick Elizabeth Warren as her running mate—but just the fact that the two of them made a show about it got liberals fired up.

But Donald Trump doesn't do dull. He's a man incapable of taking a piss without telling everyone about the strength of his flow, the amount of liquid that came out of him, incredible. So it stands to reason that the discussion about his vice presidential choice has been a little more, ah, eccentric than that of other White House candidates. Whereas Clinton's list reads like a who's-who of up-and-coming Democrats, Trump's includes a former general apparently sympathetic to Vladimir Putin and an old man who wants to build colonies on the moon.

Whoever Trump ends up choosing, the pick will ultimately send a pretty powerful message to the Republican Party—and the rest of American voters— about what kind of general election campaign he plans to run. Here are the possibilities:

Mike Pence: The Boring, but Safe, Pick
The governor of Indiana also has the most Indiana name of all time—"Mike Pence" could be an author of airport thrillers, or the owner of a successful exterminator business, or really anyone at all. Not only does he look like a cartoon politician, he's got a long record of conservatism that might persuade some Republican leaders that he can keep Trump in line. John Carter, a Republican congressman from Texas, has said that he'd "be dancing in the aisles" if Trump picked Pence. Months ago Trump expressed a preference for an experienced politician as his running mate. And unlike many prominent Establishment Republicans, Pence hasn't said that he'd refuse to be Trump's No. 2.

One downside is that Pence would have to withdraw from his gubernatorial reelection campaign—although it looks like he might lose that anyway. But the real problem is that he wouldn't generate the type of controversy that Trump feeds on. Pence is the obvious choice to placate panicked Republicans—which is not exactly on-brand for the Trump campaign.

Jeff Sessions: The Boring, but Unlikely, Pick
The Republican senator from Alabama was an early endorser of Trump, and has a long record of opposing immigration reform, which falls right in line with the campaign's central policy platform. He's reportedly become one of the candidate's closest advisors and has taken to openly criticizing anti-Trump Republicans. The downside is that Sessions doesn't have a lot of name recognition outside of the Deep South, making Pence the more widely hyped Establishment pick.

Newt Gingrich: The Exciting, but Kinda Crazy, Pick
As all true 90s kids know, the former House speaker was one of the Clintons' most aggressive enemies during Bill Clinton's presidency. So Gingrich clearly has experience, and has managed to retain his conservative bona fides despite having been out of office for almost two decades. He's also reportedly been lobbying the Trump campaign for the job, suggesting that he'd make an enthusiastic sidekick on the trail.

But Gingrich, who ran for president himself in 2012, has a lot of baggage. Like Trump, he's had extramarital affairs, and sticking two adulterers at the top of the GOP ticket would be odd for a party that prides itself on family values. And while Gingrich is much more of a policy wonk than Trump, he has a fondness for odd ideas, like literal moon colonies, that likely wouldn't do much to discourage the idea the Republican presidential campaign is a sideshow.

Michael Flynn: The Crazy, but Utterly Crazy, Pick
On Saturday, the Washington Post reported that Trump was considering Michael Flynn, a retired lieutenant general,as a potential running mate. Nominating a military man seems like a good idea in theory—it would certainly help to signal Trump's toughness on foreign policy—but this particular military man would be a strange choice.

For one thing, Flynn showed up in Moscow last year for a celebration of RT, the English language TV channel generally assumed to be an organ for Kremlin propaganda; unsurprisingly, he also reportedly supports closer relations with Russia. Given Trump's past praise for Putin, this might not be the best look. Flynn is also a Democrat, and has expressed pro-choice views, a fact that has enraged pro-life conservatives already suspicious of Trump.

Chris Christie: The 'Fat Guy'
Christie is an enormously unpopular governor who remains dogged by a years-long scandal. His one great asset in this fight is that he endorsed Trump early and has stuck with him—and Trump values loyalty. Also, a former Apprentice crew member told Slate that Trump really liked to keep a "fat guy" around, which seems to explain why Trump has kept him in the running.

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