Doomsday Metal

Photos from last year’s Hole in the Sky by Brendan Austin

Yeah, motherfucking

Trulen

is back! The Arckanum demo from –94 has just been re-released by Carnal Records, and it’s sounding so good we’re getting cold shivers all over. It’s more Cockney Rejects, backwards, on the wrong speed (33 instead of 45), than Darkthrone, but as long as we can spasm to it, who cares!?

One of Høst’s (Taake) all time favourite movies,

The Wicker Man

from 1973, is getting a remake. It’s a movie about a sergeant who travels to a small island to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. When he gets there, it turns out the islanders are bloodthirsty neo-pagans and they start fucking shit up royally. The director of the re-make is Neil LaBute (La butt? Really?), who also did Possessed (on IMDB it says Gwyneth’s in that one, and there seems to be no blood or torching of Christians AT ALL). And in the new cast we’re getting Nicolas Cage instead of ex-contract killer Christopher Lee…

Something that will help re-light the black fire in our hearts is the new merch from our favourite self-destruction promoters, Shining. It’s the genius fuse of a beer opener and a cigarette lighter, and it’s available from www.shiningangst.se. Ask any forensics doctor and he’ll tell you that between the cancer, the cardiovascular diseases and the accidents, it’s pretty certain that it’s going to be the effects of either one of those, or a combination of both, that’s going to kill you. Another anti-life fun fact is that, according to a recent study, mice that get fed nicotine choose alcohol over water when they’re thirsty. As a result smoking is getting banned in rehabs, which is going to be the real killer, smoking in rehab is like… breathing in rehab.

Necromorbus (aka. Shiva, aka. Tore Stjärna) has up and left his Northern homeland. He’s moved to Lisbon, Portugal, where the other half of his band Corpus Christii dwells. Danny DeVito once said, “It’s a beautiful city, and it will look even better once they find the treasure,” about Madrid, and that description works well for Lisbon too. So far we hear Necromorbus is living in darkness, due to some trouble with his electricity.

We talked to the second dark soul of Corpus Christii, Nocturnus Horrendus (who’s office hours are 11 PM-2 AM), a while ago, and he told us Necromorbus Studios is staying in Sweden, and that he himself has absolutely no plans on re-opening his metal-only bar.

Nocturnus Horrendus:

It made some people more up to metal, maybe more inspired, but in the end it disgusts me that they need something like that to keep it up with metal or whatever. Nowadays I would have never opened such a bar, metal people are not worthy.

For Portuguese destruction, blasphemy and thrashing chaos he recommends Onirik, Flagellum Dei, InThyFlesh and Irae, and his favourite Lisboan spot is “The G-spot.”

The cursed summer is upon us, which means this column has been running for a year. And nothing has changed from last year when one of our bestest record shop people noticed that, “Nobody really buys Black Metal in June.”

If you still feel like addding to the destruction of civilized society, here are two places where you can take part.

Midsummer Massacre

Dissection will be no more. On Midsummer Day, June 24, Jon has rented the big Stockholm stadium Hovet, with a capacity of 8.000 doomed spirits. Also adding to the insanity are Nifelheim and blood brother band Deathstars. It will be the only European concert, so if you’re anywhere even close, you best whip out your Marduk T-shirt and head out, or the dark lord will strike down upon thee. After a few more concerts, one in Israel (June 17), one in Los Angeles (September 1) and one in New York City (September 6), the band will pass on to the grave. Oh, and don’t miss Jon’s new facial tattoo, on

www.dissection.nu

, under the Massacre Countdown.

Hole in the Sky

This is the one festival that Tormentor from Orcustus recommends for True Black Metal Quality. The bands are few but good enough to shake you to the core, and you need to travel to centre of the earth to get there, which sort of weeds out the pussies. Going there you’ll pass locals that will make the

Deliverance

rapists look like friendly farmers who are just trying to reach out.

€90, 23-26 August, Bergen, Norway

And finally, Ljå (pronounced “yaw,” meaning “scythe”) are kicking up bone dust with

Til Avsky For Livet

. We just wanted to include that because we went through the trouble of calling up our buddy’s Norwegian mum just to get the pronunciation right.

KAOS ULVEN