Drake's Club Paradise Tour on the Summer Solstice

Have you been to Club Paradise? It is a nice club. It is a pleasant club. Peaceful. You will like Club Paradise. You are allowed to drink underage there (sort of).

I myself have been to Club Paradise, its final night, held on the Summer Solstice in Raleigh, North Carolina. Well, I was there, but I was so engulfed in the OE that I can't really recall that much of it. But I will report what I do remember of the evening. I cannot say with one hundred percent certainty, but I am fairly sure Drake tried to have sex with me. He didn't come out and say it. But I could feel it, and that was enough.

I think this is the attitude that Drake tries to project as a performer, this sort of aura of being sexy/formidable that somehow feels explicit, though nothing is explicitly stated. Teenagers fucking eat that shit up, and moms are totally okay with it. I know this, because I saw at least two five year-olds at Drake's concert last week, and about one million teenagers, all of whom were drunk. A stadium-sized rap concert featuring Drake, Meek Mill, J. Cole and 2 Chainz could have gone one of one ways: A bunch of fucking teenagers were going to show up, and Meek Mill, J. Cole and 2 Chainz were going to be less appreciated by the screaming masses of teenagers than Drake was going to be.

2 Chainz is quickly garnering a reputation as one of the funniest dudes working in rap today, flexing a savant-like ability to craft verses that come across as both stupid and amazing. If you listen to rap radio, he's a guest on perhaps 40 percent of the songs you will hear, a miracle of statistics not seen since the heyday of Lil' Wayne, right before he became the Michael Jackson of this rapping shit. Consider what has become perhaps Tity 2 Necklace's (this is 2 Chainz'z nickname) best-known couplet, from his stunner of a verse on Kanye West's "Mercy": "I'm high and drunk at the same time/Drinkin' champagne on the airplane." DO YOU GET THAT JOKE??? HE SAYS THE SAME THING TWICE AND IT RULES. Reportedly, 2 Chainz owns $4,400 leather pants, but the pants he was wearing when he performed looked like they cost maybe $800. That was disappointing.

While 2 Chainz is hip-hop's clown prince, Meek Mill might just be rap's most formidable bridesmaid. Signed to Rick Ross's Maybach Music label and effectively the Gilligan to Ross's hugely fat Skipper, Mill's been responsible for some of the biggest rap hits in recent memory. However, people aren't really that familiar with his work as his and his alone. Most of the hits, such as "Tupac Back" and "Imma Boss" feature Rick Ross just as prominently as they do Meek. His most recent hit, the "Best Song Of 2012" contender "Amen," features Drake, so he's not making anything of a concerted effort to buck this trend. But here's the thing. He's always the best part of these songs. His flow is at this point un-fuckwithable, and he can be totally terrifying when he wants to be. He's best when he raps didactically: He is literally teaching you a lesson as he murders you, which is cool. Something that is uncool: Meek Mill is on probation, so Meek Mill is not allowed to do any drugs.

I would write some words about J. Cole's set, but J. Cole is boring and I went to buy a Drake t-shirt while he performed. It cost me $35 and says "YOLO" on it. I am not mad at any of this. J. Cole is from North Carolina, so he seemed pretty excited to be back. Everyone else seemed excited too, but again I was too busy buying a t-shirt to actually give a shit.

Drake, however, I give a shit about. As much as I love rappers like Cam'ron and Pimp C, there's always a disconnect between what they're rapping about and my ability to identify with them. Meanwhile, Drake's domain is the soft. I am soft as fuck, so Drake is really the ideal rapper for me. Take Care, his newest album, is a triumph of the juxtaposition of widescreen melancholia with chest-puffery. Some of the songs are about how Drake misses his old girlfriends; some of the songs are about how Drake has a million girlfriends. Most of the songs are about girls in some capacity, in fact.

The Solstice was strong with him as he took the stage. He was backed by a full band; there was an owl tattooed on his back. This is the very definition of Club Paradise. It is impossible to explain how perfectly Drake plays the part of "famous rapper." He jumps around stage like his life depends on it. He emotes when he's supposed to emote, and acts tough when he's supposed to act tough. He played every song that he could have been asked to play, except for "Best I Ever Had," which is the song that got him famous in the first place. He brought out 2 Chainz, Mill and Cole again, which was nice in a kind of condescending way, and then spent fifteen minutes personally thanking the people in the crowd for coming out tonight. He asked a girl if she wanted him to impregnate her, and called someone a "65 year-old white dude in extremely short shorts," both of which were way more interesting than most of the other stuff he said. If Club Paradise were a prog rock double album from the seventies, that portion of the set would be the Side C-spanning song that everyone skipped except for the die-hards. Everything about Club Paradise was perfect, even the part that sucked.

Oh, did I mention the drinking? There was SO much underage drinking going on at Club Paradise. The place was in full-blown "youth bacchanalia" mode. High schoolers were swigging from flasks, smoking weed for the first time, and generally passing out in droves. When I was in high school, we had the Vans Warped Tour, which basically fulfilled the same role. The Vans Warped Tour is a shell of its former self, though. Now, all the children have is Club Paradise.

Okay, that's all I have to say about the that. I'm going to go get a henna tattoo that says "YOLO" now.

@drewmillard