Photos Courtesy of Bad Dragon
Illustrations by Narse
Bad Dragon is a company that designs and manufactures fantasy adult toys in the most literal sense imaginable: giant sea monster cocks, scaly dragon-vagina Fleshlights, and neon orca penises that ejaculate mock cum, to name a few. This might seem strange to some people, but many of us have dreamed of having sex with things that don’t exist in reality. Who hasn’t fantasized about giving head to Trent from Daria or jerked off to Jessica Rabbit? By comparison, simulated dragon sex isn’t such a huge leap.
A guy known as Varka founded Bad Dragon in 2007 when he began crafting dragon dildos in his college dorm room in Scotland. Today, the operation sells hundreds of toys a month to customers around the world, making it possible to ream and be reamed by dragons, aliens, horses, snakes, aquatic anthropomorphic creatures with tentacles, and so on. Each toy is displayed on Bad Dragon’s website (bad-dragon.com) next to an extremely detailed illustration of the creature it was modeled after and a lengthy description of the creature’s supposed qualities and interests. Some of my favorites include Razor the Doberman—a bisexual and bipedal dog who’s the captain of his school’s soccer and basketball teams and moonlights as a stripper—and David the Werewolf, who wears a jean jacket and is endowed with some very serious testicles.
All of Bad Dragon’s toys are cast by hand, which means clients can custom order them in almost any size, color, and firmness. The toys are quite pricy, ranging from $60 to over $200, but, according to the overwhelmingly positive feedback on the website’s forums, they’re well worth it.
The people who purchase these fantastic fucksticks are furries, gamers, toonophiliacs, and fantasy freaks. I spoke with Varka, who now serves as the company’s CEO, and two of Bad Dragon’s biggest fans to find out what makes mythical cock so hot.
VICE: Why dragon dildos?
Varka: I was at university, and I started looking at sex toys to see what was available. I realized that there weren’t any well-made toys that catered to fantasy fetishes. Recently there’s been the Avatar-Fleshlight crossover thing and some other stuff like Twilight sex toys, but back when I started, the options sucked.
Do you wish dragons existed so they could fuck you with their massive scaly dongs?
I have an interest in dragons and fantasy creatures, but I would define what I’m sexually interested in as “world building.” The main thing about role-playing games—like Dungeons & Dragons and Mass Effect—is that you take on a persona of your own and live vicariously through that alter ego’s actions. You can create anything—a new world.