The Tribeca Film Festival has been a harrowing experience for me. I've spent so much time inside cavernous dark places that I'm starting to feel like a Speedo lodged in between Kevin Smith's two gargantuan butt cheeks. The more time I sit alone in bleak movie theaters, the more paranoid I get. I'm starting to see patterns in everything, like that genius in A Beautiful Mind who was played by the drunk fat guy who can't sing. For example, the title of every film I've seen during the festival sounds like it was pulled straight from a gay DVD store in Chelsea: Big Men, Bending Steel, Dark Touch, etc. Is this another subtle effort from the Butt Sex Agenda to chip away at family values? Probably.
But the most prevalent trend I've uncovered at Tribeca is hats. I've been in screenings or little, stupid cocktail-event things where every third person sported headwear, usually of the newsboy variety. I'm not sure why filmic folks love to cover their domes with statement making headpieces, but maybe it says something about their attempted mental resistance of wack-ass, big-budget Hollywood films, kind of like how Magneto's helmet blocks Professor X from reading his mind in X-Men. Or maybe it's a sex thing, signaling to other film nerds what kind of kink you're into, like bandanas at a leather-men club. Could a newsboy cap mean you like to be spanked with yesterday's paper, while fedoras signify you like to role play as Indiana Jones and whip your partner? Whatever the case may be, I saw so many hats that I decided to take a few photos. Here is the headwear of the Tribeca Film Festival.
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