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      Facking Cants

      December 1, 2005

      By Andy Capper, Anita Crapper


      Photo by Alex Sturrock
       



      I don't know about you Yank girls, but I cannot imagine anything more devastating than being called "cunt" in an East London brogue while a skinny white boy with spots and a few scars slides his stiff English dick in and out my fanny. It's called national pride.

      And if he's a sensitive-thug grime rapper with a big recording contract in his wallet from the same label that broke The Streets, all the better.

      In other words, I am gagging to fuck Plan B. He's a 21-year-old writer, producer, and rapper named Ben (his last name is a secret) from Forest Gate, East London, and he's about to make Brit vaginas explode with pleasure when he drops his debut single, "Kids," this month. It's a little fucked-up how he raps about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways, but it also kind of makes me insanely fucking horny.

      VICE: So, is all that stuff about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways for real?

      Plan B: The whole song is my impression of the way a lot of dumb kids are thinking. There's a lot of humor in ignorance. When people are ignorant, you laugh at them. For a kid to do something like rape or rob, he must be a right fucking cunt. I try to get in the minds of those kids and show them what fucking cunts they are.

      You like the cunt word, huh?

      When you say it, they know you mean business.

      Is it OK to say it to girls?

      If she's a mouthy bitch and she's talking to you like you're not worth anything, then yeah.

      So are you getting a lot of cunt at the moment?

      There's a song that's going on the mixtape called "Foreign Exchange," and I talk about meeting this French girl and having sex with her, and one of the things I say is that I'm using a condom while I'm fucking her.

      Every time I have sex I always use condoms. I'm very paranoid of these sexual diseases. That's one of the things I said to the label, I wanted to have condoms with Plan B written on them so the crowd could get them out and blow them up and thrown them around and shit.

      ANITA CRAPPER
      Plan B is signed to 679 Records in the UK.

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