We Could Be The New Wind!
One Small Girl Covers the Internet in Farts
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Recently, while innocently perusing YouTube and—swear to God—not looking for anything raunchy, I came across this amazing girl who posts tons of videos of herself farting and subsequently cracking herself up. That’s it, just farts ’n’ laughs from a cute young woman in California. But then I took a look at the number of views she was getting and I was blown away. (Get it? Blown away?) But seriously folks, Jacki here rips many a one on the web and then thousands of people (mostly horny guys) watch it and tell her how beautiful she is, how great her farts must smell, how they want to get farted on by her, and just how superduper farts are in general. I had to know what lay behind the clouds of gas, so I contacted Fart Girl. She is now my new best friend.
Vice: So is it true that when you were kids, you and your sister made a fart mixtape that you’d listen to on family roadtrips?
Jacki: Yeah, farting was a huge part of our relationship, which I know sounds really weird for two sisters. The thing is, my dad was a hillbilly born in a lean-to in Tennessee and he really wanted some boys to, you know, go fishing and hunting and to cut the cheese with. So along with being on the soccer, basketball, and softball teams, we were on the “fart with dad” squad.
Was your dad a serious farter?
Well, our family used to have this old brown and white velvety Barcalounger-type thing that was “Dad’s spot.” I know some gay fart fetishists would have paid some serious bucks for that thing on eBay since my dad would basically sit there from the time he got home from work at 5 PM until bedtime at 11. He ripped so many long nasty ones on that thing.
What about shit? Were turds a larf with your family?
Yes, so actually it was a fart- and poo-positive household. They have always been a source of comedy. My dad is sort of known as the guy who, if he visits your house, will without fail clog up the toilet. We actually have a video of him using a snake plumbing tool to unclog my grandparents’ toilet in Texas. In fact, he broke one snake with his bricklike poo and had to run back to the hardware store to get another one. So fucking funny.
So you and your sister would just hang around farting?
The summers would pass with my sister and I watching reruns of Gidget and surprising each other as we lay on the couch with a big fart on the head. Also, my sister and I are quite different people. Despite my dad, I turned into kind of an indie girly-girl who does ballet. My sis remained the easygoing tomboy. So farting was something we always had in common and could share with a laugh despite our differences.
What did your mom think of all this fart frivolity?
It was a source of some tension in our household. While my dad was a fart proponent, my mom is a little 4'11" Vietnamese lady who always tried to teach us to be ladylike. I mean, she even named me after Jacqueline Kennedy. She always had makeup on, her hair done, always in an “outfit.”
But the thing is, my mom was a closet farter. Once in while, she used to cup her hand over her crack to catch a fart, and then she’d release it into one of our faces! So while most of the time she would give us a nasty look if we cut one, I think the irresistible natural comic nature of farting would overtake her. She had some nasty ones too. I think it was because she used to eat this fish called mudfish that she had to cook in the garage on a hotplate because it smelled so bad. It smelled even worse coming out!
When did you first make the move to videotaping farts?
It was a total whim. This guy who I had met in Paris came to visit me, and I told him about YouTube. You know, the French are not as up-to-date as we are about some things. When I was at his place in 2006, the poor cornichon still had dial-up. Anyhow, I told him that anyone can put whatever kind of connerie [stupidity, bullshit] on YouTube and there’s a chance that out of total randomness they could become famous. So we searched for farts as an example and of course found tons of clips. I guess we didn’t pay too much attention though and did not notice that chicks were getting all kinds of nasty comments on their postings. We just liked to watch the clips of dudes lighting their farts on fire! After that, whenever I had to rip one he would record it. Those first few clips of me farting with him laughing in the background are the beginning. He recorded them on his cameraphone so the quality sucks. It was funny too because he said that before me he had never heard a girl fart. Alas, tender is love. I kicked him to the curb eventually.
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All that fucking Thom Yorke bullshit. But sometimes I wonder if he is out there still spying on my YouTube channel. I guess I should thank him. Anyhow, after I punted him back to Paris, I stopped recording for a while, but then one day I just started again and it kind of turned into a funny hobby.
Can you explain your name on YouTube?
It’s peteuse, which is French for a farting or gassy girl. Pet (pronounced “peh”) is the noun for “fart.” Peteuse is a girl, peteur is a boy.
Oh yeah, like Le Pétomane, that legendary French vaudeville fart performer. Anybody reading this who doesn’t know about him should Google his name right now.
It seems that lot of dudes get boners from watching your fart videos. What do you think of that?
I don’t understand it completely but I don’t have the fetish so... But I think lots of fetishes have to do with having access to something forbidden or something that a woman usually is embarrassed about or tries to hide. I’m involved in the foot-fetish community. I sell my stinky worn-out ballet shoes to guys who like to smell stinky feet. Women are often embarrassed about their stinky feet and also by farting. Lots of dudes get off on being privy to those things, I guess.
What about all the comments on your videos? They get a wee bit dirty.
I don’t get offended or anything. It’s a fantasy for men, and I guess I’m a little bit of an exhibitionist so I like the idea of guys wanking to thoughts of me. Overall, though, it’s just comedy. I still watch my and my sister’s clips and laugh my ass off. There is a dom element to this fart-fetish thing: face sitting, ass worship, and such. Some sub guys want to be humiliated by being farted on by a dominant woman. But if I had to sit on someone’s face and cut a big one, I would just bust up laughing. I couldn’t do the whole “You like that, you little needledick, suck it up and smell it” routine.
There are a thousand types of farts. Can you break down a few for our readers?
My personal favorites are the Chuck Yeager, the Saigon, and the SBD.
What’s the Chuck Yeager?
They, of course, break the sound barrier. This is the kind that after you rip it, you are completely amazed at yourself, wondering where all that gas fit inside your organs—especially if you are on the little side like me. These farts often have accompanying pain and necessitate a shorts check. They are usually either pointed and sharp sounding or long and bassy. I’ve done an eight-second-long Chuck Yeager fart in jeans that almost knocked me over. It’s in one of my videos. In high school I did a Yeager when I was hanging out with my friends on this big grassy hill on campus. Everyone turned around and looked—this is a hill that is like 100 yards from one side to the other—and I acted all shocked and turned to my best friend Leah and yelled “Leah! That’s gross!” She never forgave me for that.
What about the Saigon?
If you’ve ever heard Vietnamese people speak, you’ll notice that they have some interesting sounds that we really don’t make as English speakers. Viet language is multitonal, with lots of guh gu gu guh buk buh buk aww! glottal stops and ups and downs in tones. These farts are like what you would hear if you went to a community meeting in Saigon, or in some Vietnamese community and all the members were pissed off about something, like thugs breaking into their Toyota Camrys. These farts often come out first as a high-pitched airy squeak, then continue on to some kind of machine-gun sounds, then a pig squeal, then a long chunky groan. They are often the funniest because you’re like, “When did my ass learn to speak Vietnamese?”
SBD is Silent but Deadly. Right?
Yes. I hate to be cliché, but these are the best because they are your little secret. These are the kind that you let out little by little because you think if you just push it out it might be a Chuck Yeager. Sometimes they’re kind of wet. But then it just snakes out, slowly lisping and you can feel all the air between your cheeks. Then about two seconds later you’re trying to run away from yourself. These are good at the grocery store, the gym, or in the car with a friend (awesome). An SBD in church would be funny too. I do them all the time in ballet class, and sometimes it’s hard to get away from the smell because I’m at the barre doing exercises. I’ve never confirmed whether the girl behind me has ever smelled them but... she has to have. I know she hates me.
What food leads to the biggest farts?
Indian food, by far. Many of the Chuck Yeagers I’ve done come after eating Indian food. My current formula is a) channa masala, b) palak paneer, and c) rice and pappadams. The channa masala has garbanzo beans so you could just say it’s the beans that give it to me, but I eat beans by themselves all the time and they don’t turn me into a farting champ like this formula does. I think it is the spices, the grease, and the rice that do it. Oh yeah, and they smell REALLY bad!
INTERVIEW BY QUINN MORRISON