[Opposite] This is Julia Dunstall. We went out for about two months and we broke up because she left town. Right now we seem to be on good terms.
[Bottom left] This is Morgan. We went out for seven months and we broke up because he thinks I’m selfish. Right now we seem to be on lukewarm terms and he still gets mad at me a lot. He was too tall for me anyways.
[Bottom right] This is Alexa. We lived together for about three years and broke up when she had to go off and do her own thing. Now our paths occasionally cross through work, which is cool, and she always lets me shoot an extra roll of her being “normal.”
[Opposite] I met Henry a few years back and liked him for his decadent ways. We are just friends now.
[Bottom left] This is Kim, my first true love. We went out for a year and a half and broke up because that’s what couples do when they’re 17 years old. We’re mostly out of touch now, but she was home in New Jersey this past weekend so I borrowed a car and went out there and had Easter dinner with her mom and brothers, whom I had not seen since 1999. It was a mindfuck.
[Bottom right] This is Carissa. We went out for 1.5 years and broke up because we were driving each other as crazy as a pair of shithouse rats. Right now we seem to be on fantastic terms. We love each other but can never, ever, ever date again. It’s 100 percent for the best.
This is Emily. We went out for a couple years, and we broke up just before she left to go to university. Somehow things got ridiculously overcomplicated. Right now we are on good terms and I still believe she is God’s cutest creature. Whenever I was with her I literally wanted to bake her in a cake and eat her.
This is Patrick, a lovable guy from a totally different world than me. At 36, only ten years my senior, he has already traveled the world, fought in Desert Storm, been married for 12 years, divorced, and had every job from professional spelunking to being the rat at Chuck E. Cheese, yet he was still a bit weirded out when introduced to my world of never-ending costumes and fajitas and watching Roseanne and American Idol. We dated for a year and a half, and we are on awesome terms now because his two teenage sons and I can’t get enough of torturing him.