FINALLY, THE BIG BOY INTERVIEW

It's annoying when people like to prove how long they've known someone as famous as

SSION

ultra-glamorous punk frontman Cody Critcheloe, but the only way I can think of to set up this interview is to say that for almost as long as I've been spiritually connected to Cody he's been talking about his big movie. We're talking six or seven years of chatting about his forthcoming star-spangled endeavors. Every time we checked in it seemed like the plot was changing; at one point he told me it was about a lesbian gang kidnapping a weak young homo and beating him in to become a punk. Maybe that's still in the movie. I don't know, I haven't seen it. But it's called

BOY

and it's screening in select theaters across the Midwest, and having the chance to see it is probably the only good reason to live inland. For now, the best the rest of us get is this trailer, which was released

after

the movie came out.

VICE: You recently showed your new movie in Chicago. How'd that go over? Cody Critcheloe

: Chicago was great! People were really responsive, which is good because they didn't have a connection the way Kansas City people do.

But everyone thinks you're a star, so of course they'd love it!

Ha, girl, please.

Seriousy? I am wrong? In my world, everyone knows who you are.

I don't really know… I can't tell. I just assume people don't really care.

I'm curious which movie this is… is this the same one you've been pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into for the last six years? Yeah, but it's really only been two years. I've been talking about it for six years. We started actually shooting two years ago, maybe two and a half.

I just remember you talking about it and every time it seemed like it was something new. Run me through the plot again?

Sorry, my mom is on the phone. Give me one second.

You had all these titles and ideas--it seemed like your life's work.

She just got a breast reduction!

Oh wow! Does she like them now? OK, so plot…

Wait, no!

Let's talk about your mom for a minute.

OK.

Do you think if you were born a woman you would have large breasts? Duh!

Hot.

I know. We could be lovers!

And only

because you have large breasts. It's a requirement.

Totally.

You think I'm joking but I am not!

Really? My mom has always hated her boobs.

Yes. The main character in your movie has big breasts, right?

Yeah, The Woman has large boobs. Actually there is a scene in the movie where my mom talks about her boobs being too big, and that's why I convince her to dye her hair blond… to accommodate her breast size.

So who is The Woman?

Well, maybe I should loosely explain the plot. The Woman is my better half/imaginary friend… A BITCH GODDESS! The movie is a semi-autobiographical rock musical. The Woman is my best friend. We grow up together, get into trouble as teenagers--punk teenagers. She gets sent away and I sort of live my life through her, like how I imagine her life to be, what she'd be into. She's my muse/source of inspiration and she inspires/leads me to become a POP STAR! This is such a typical American narrative, really, a love story, a gay/punk version of

Forrest Gump

.

I am not so sure it's the typical American love story, Cody. You're getting carried away.

So anyway, I become a pop star and then The Woman manifests in physical form and I'm so in awe of her that I give everything I've created to her. I give her SSION. I make her the face of SSION. It'd be like Andy Warhol giving the Factory to Valerie Solanas after she tries to kill him, not that she tries to kill me. It's just that I know that women are superior to men. They are smarter, more beautful, and more poetic.

That is true. So is the Woman not nice to you? She's like my source of power, sort of a mix of every female character I grew up worshiping. Because I really only like women. I've only really ever been influenced/inspired by women and a few gay men. This is a feminist movie.

Clearly.

And she's nice to me. She's just in control. She knows what she wants. I respect that women are superior to men.

Are you a self-loathing gay?

No. I love gays. But I do think that sometimes it's a shame that gay guys don't get to be pop stars in the way women get to be.

I agree. Why do you think that is? Because it's not sexy? Because gay guys are mostly interested in women. I'm guilty of it, obviously. And becasue guys are expected to be boring. Gay guys get stuck doing the bitches' hair and make-up. It's similar to girls being groupies instead of just starting a fucking band. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I was gonna say, easy on the groupies there…. But back to your movie. How did you get the government of Kansas City to fund your life to make this film for the last two years? You must've told some lies and done some "favors."

It wasn't the government of Kansas City. It was a not-for-profit in KC called

Grand Arts

. They do "large" projects with artists. They funded

Laurel Nakadate

's last film. I proposed this project to them back in 2004--it just took a while to get the green light. Still though, I did the film on a very small budget. For the most part and it was all created with the help of friends.

Do your friends now all love you or hate you?

I think they feel the same. I hope so anyway. I try to be nice and I really care about the people who've helped me make this. It's a good product only because of that help. I wanted them to be proud of it--that was important for me. I wanted anyone involved to feel proud that they had helped out, even if they just held a light for six hours. I wanted them to see the movie and be happy that they had done it. I love the people who've helped with this. I don't think they love me. I think they know me.

Ha!

I can't believe i just said that!

I want to know what is in the water supply of KC. There are so many of you kooky kids! I dunno, I like it here.

Why is there such a massive concentration of you all though, seriously? Do you hold rallies?

What do you mean?

Recruitment seminars? Do you say, "We'll fly you to Kansas City ON US--all you have to do is sit in on this seminar," and then people come and you make them wild 'n' free? And then they never leave? I am just trying to figure out how/why there are so many of your kind out there. It's incredible.

I dunno… it's so small… it's just the few people who push really hard, and I think we all want to help each other out. And because there is sooo much lame shit out there… Or maybe it's becasue we're all sort of fat? At least overweight?

What? But you're thin.

I'm feeling fat today, and yeah, everyone's got a little meat on their bones.

Weird thing to say! Anyway, I'm excited to see your movie. How do I get to see it? You screening in NYC anytime soon? I hope so… I dunno yet. it's gonna show in LA in January.

That's a start. Where?

Peres Projects

. I'm very excited about it. Then it's supposed to show in Berlin that spring.

You'll be internationally famous!

I dunno about that. Let's just hope people like it.