Front of the Book

SEIZED IN SOMALIA
BY OSCAR RICKETT
PHOTOS COURTESY OF ROLF HELMRICH

For the past 20 years, UN security officer Rolf Helmrich has conducted operations in Somalia, one of the most dangerous countries in the world. He’s a tough son of a bitch and an old-school gentleman. We talked to him about his cheery time as a hostage in Somalia in 2004.
 
VICE: You worked in Somalia for a while. That doesn’t sound like it could have been too much fun.
Rolf Helmrich: There is a Somali proverb: “Somalia against the world. My clan against Somalia. My family against my clan. My brother and me against my family. Me against my brother.” Somalia was never peaceful. The people are pastoralist and nomadic, constantly in search of water. As a baby you sleep with a dagger in your cradle. You always have a weapon.

So how did you get kidnapped?
Me and my UN colleagues were stopped at a bridge near a village, and we were met by a militia. Initially they tried to get money from us, but since I was trying to help the people in the area they changed their tactics. My five Somali colleagues were told to find their way back to Kismayo. I was alone with 15 militiamen with AK-47s. They squeezed into the vehicle and drove me deep into the desert.

How long were you there?
About ten days. We moved around a lot at night. I was very tense. They would throw hand grenades to each other and I would follow the grenade left to right, right to left. The worst part was not having a bathroom. I stank.

How did your kidnapping end?
Ahmed, my guard, came to me and said, “Get your shoes.” We walked 300 yards into the darkness, and two gentlemen from the same subclan as my captors came out with a bodyguard. A ransom of $18,000 had come from the business community to cleanse the name of the subclan, which had lost face because of my kidnapping. I was picked up and taken back in a 27-vehicle convoy. I spent an hour in the shower.

Did you blame them for kidnapping you?
No, I understood why they did it. I was a target because I worked for the UN. A week before, Somalis working for a UN agency were also stopped and asked for money. They agreed to pay but then broke their promise and threatened the militia. That agreement is important. Things are sealed with a handshake, like in the Middle Ages. You can’t break a handshake. I like that. I like Somalis.

 

ALBANIA LOVES BUSH
BY WILBERT L. COOPER
PHOTO BY FISNIK LAMA

The Balkans sure know how to treat a cowboy. In Albania, the village of Fushe Kruja recently erected a 9.5-foot-tall bronze statue of George W. Bush in the town square, celebrating the 43rd president’s first and only visit to Albania in 2007. They like Bush so much over there that his name has been immortalized as the moniker for a bakery, a café, and a street. It’s understandable that Albanians feel pretty pro-US, considering theClinton administration’s 1999 bombing of Yugoslavia on behalf of ethnic Albanians in Kosovo and the country’s admission to NATO under Obama in 2009. But in light of the presidential alternatives, how does Bush warrant a statue in Fushe Kruja? Apparently, he touched an elderly woman’s soul there by comparing her to his mother.