Girl Eats Food - Lazy Chicken Wangz

Many think of Smash (the UK's favorite instant mashed potato brand) as a rancid potato slop bulked up with sawdust, marketed at people too lazy to breathe, let alone mash a potato. But these people are chumps. Unimaginative chumps, who know nothing of Smash’s versatility: From soaking up schoolyard vomit to an off the chain and half-assed chicken batter, Smash is smashing.

I guess if you’re a snob, your first instinct with these may be to vom violently. It’ll probably be your second instinct, too. But if you’re grossed out at the idea of dipping economy poultry into one dollar insta-mash, just think back at all the times that you didn’t die after eating unspecified bird dregs from chicken places where the hygiene certificate is scrawled on the wall in blood.

Lazy Chicken Wangz

Ignoring the cheese, oil, and spud crumbs you’re going to bathe them in, this oven-cooked recipe is a super food when compared to all those Dallas Fried Chicken shops run by Turkish teenagers. There’s also less chance you’ll have to avoid a shanking if you decide you need poultry after midnight.

Ingredients

1 x Packet of Smash
1 x Packet of Chicken wings
1 x cheap and nasty block of cheese
“Seasoning”
A few eggs

Step 1.

By now I shouldn’t be having to hold your hand every time we season. Flavor your Smash with whatever the fuck you like. Use lithium for all I care.

Step 2.

Grate in the most offensive cheese you can find. As this stuff cost less than most chocolate bars, it's about as offensive as that Rabbi Hitler sketch Tim Allen once did.

Step 3.

Whisk some eggs, I dunno, like three, then place it out beside lazy girls' chicken dust and a baking dish pre-smeared in cooking oil. It's a tricolor of healthy eating. Liberté, Egalité, Scurvé!

Step 4.

Double dip your baby pink wangz into the egg and then the cheesy mix.

The Smash will start congealing around your fingers like potato impetigo, so move fast.

Step 5.

Once your chicken things are swamped in grease and dairy, stick the lot in the oven on 395f for half an hour.

If they start to look radioactive, then they’re good to go. Dunk in hot sauce and eat, happy in the knowledge that they're literally a billion times better than 90 percent of the chicken being consumed by rude boys Britain-wide.

Bone-appetit!

@fuertesknight

Previously: Sleepy Whoopie Pies