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Global Trend Report 2009 - Paris & Amsterdam

Les girls are eschewing skirts in favor of no skirts at all and are giving up on not wearing hats in favor of wearing enormous fur hats that make absolutely no sense.

BOYS

In France, guys usually belong to one of two lame fashion species: classy streetwear or undernourished Black Lips knockoffs. You therefore come across many ridiculous hats and checkered shirts. But a revolution has started. Some young men are innovating and have decided to return to their roots by dressing like their grandfathers or their grandfathers’ professors.

They’ve banned the word “cool” from their wardrobes and proudly flaunt their conservative ways, often illustrated in the colors of autumn. Browns, greens, and oranges on sweaters and blazers prevail, and it’s all extraordinarily sensitive. Their goal is simple: to make us understand that they are emotional, mature boys who listen to pop music. It’s like a time portal sent them back to 1964 with a Belle and Sebastian– stocked iPod so they could masturbate to Charles de Gaulle in peace.

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GIRLS

Like a caterpillar emerging from her fashion cocoon, young French ladies have shed the uptight preppy ensembles and fancy neckerchiefs that have defined their look forever, and what’s emerged from underneath is a terrifying combo of slutty Russian, slutty hippie, and slutty geisha. Les girls are eschewing skirts in favor of no skirts at all and are giving up on not wearing hats in favor of wearing enormous fur hats that make absolutely no sense. It’s like they saw all the American girls wearing tights as pants last year and said, “We’ll see your tights and raise you one

vagina al fresco

.” Not sure what the lipstick situation is because we can’t seem to raise our eyes north of the groinal equator.

BOYS

Boys, bless them, are

really

trying. They are bashful of their former nu-rave ways and are trying to go for a cleaner look—thus all the matching. This is pretty much what passes for “preppy” in the land of legalized drugs.

The pants are no longer ripped (albeit still acid-washed) and the thick sweater and matching hat almost look like they’ve been bought in a real store (albeit a gay store). Don’t really know what’s going on with the teeny jean vest, but here’s the thing: Dutch guys are perfectly happy just finding their own way in life and making it up as they go along. Amsterdam is the city of the free-minded folk, and they don’t understand why you judge them so.

GIRLS

In Amsterdam, girls sit on terraces smoking long white Yves Saint Laurent cigarettes, drinking wine, and having pretentious discussions about Nietzsche and Plato that may or may not make any sense whatsoever. These women love high-waisted pantaloons, red lipstick, and silk blouses, merging Margiela with Garbo and… Winehouse. Some don’t have the hang of it quite yet, as evidenced by the disastrous head jewelry, but if a girl pairs nerdy glasses with a shabby panther-print vest, you can tell someone has her thinking cap on. And even if it ultimately fails as an ensemble, it’ll probably still fall roughly into the porn-secretary look, which is always good

for morale.