​Great News: A New Study Says Sitting Down All Day Won't Kill You

Read: Turns Out It Was Legal for that Dentist to Shoot Cecil the Lion

Still reeling from the news that sitting down all day could lead to an early grave? Relax: a new study, with even more participants, says you can sit your ass off and you won't die any sooner than that smug dick with the standing desk.

Dr. Melvyn Hillsdon from the University of Exeter spent 16 years following 5,000 participants for his study, and says, "Our study overturns current thinking on the health risks of sitting and indicates that the problem lies in the absence of movement rather than the time spent sitting itself. Any stationary posture where energy expenditure is low may be detrimental to health, be it sitting or standing."

So turns out it's not the sitting you need to worry about, just the never moving from your desk.

Hillsdon goes on to attack gullible health-conscious employers, saying, "the results of the study cast doubt on the benefits of sit-stand work stations, which employers are increasingly providing to promote a healthy working environment." Stupid fools trying to improve working conditions for their employees.

Sadly, it's not all good news for sitters. According to a literature review by the BBC, crossing your legs could increase blood pressure and intensify the risk of deep vein thrombosis. So remember that before you throw away the standing desk and settle back into that desk chair.