Happy Confederate Memorial Day!
May 10 2013
Happy Confederate Memorial Day to you and yours! Yes, this is a real holiday in several southern states and the above gentleman is South Carolina Lieutenant Governor Glenn McConnell, a dedicated Civil War reenactor and total douchebag. If you’ve ever pined for the good ol’ days of manners, gentlemanly behavior, long sips of lemonade on the porch during a hot day, and ungodly human bondage, then this is the holiday for you. Giving gifts is encouraged. Your slave will most appreciate a day outside the "hot box."
As always, with the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “racist” being the most racist.
- The Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank dedicated to developing all the world’s dumbest ideas, released a study that claimed that immigration reform will cost the United States at least $6.3 trillion. That may or may not be true. I ain’t no mathematician. What I do know is true is that it recently came out that a co-author of the study, Jason Richwine, wrote his doctoral thesis at Harvard about the relative intelligences of the races. “The average IQ of immigrants in the United States is substantially lower than that of the white native population, and the difference is likely to persist over several generations,” Richwine claimed in his thesis, which was written in 2009, not 1959. Richwine argued that immigration should be selective based on IQ because “no one knows whether Hispanics will ever reach IQ parity with whites, but the prediction that new Hispanic immigrants will have low-IQ children and grandchildren is difficult to argue against.” If we’re going to keep dumb Mexican people out of our country, then can we also deport all the dumb white people? Can we give Rush Limbaugh his own island?
- A poster in France calling for demonstrations against gay rights stirred up plenty of controversy this week for portraying Minister of Justice Christiane Taubira, who is black, as a raging giant gorilla with cornrows and glowing eyes. The Taubira-gorilla is depicted as being swarmed by a crowd of homophobic protesters, who just so happen to be entirely white. The designer of the image deleted the post and apologized for the racist imagery, but only after it went viral. Funny how racism and homophobia tend to go hand in hand... 8
- The state of Michigan recently passed Public Act 436, which gives borderline dictatorial authority to an emergency manager to “supersede local ordinances, sell city assets, and break union contracts” in areas of the state that are economically impoverished, according to the Atlantic. These emergency managers currently function in six cities in Michigan, including Detroit. Around half of the black people in Michigan live in these six cities, which means that they all basically live without basic democratic rights. RACIST
- Last weekend, a group of mostly black University of Southern California students held a party to celebrate their upcoming graduation. The party was registered with USC campus police, and student IDs were checked at the door. Across the street, a group of mostly white students held a similar party. But when Los Angeles police received a noise complaint from party-pooping neighbors, they apparently felt so “threatened” that they called in more than 80 officers in riot gear and a helicopter to bust one of the parties. Want to guess which party they busted? If you guessed the mostly black party, you might be a little cynical, but you’re also correct. "My house was treated with respect, and the only difference between the two parties was that racial component. And if you're going to deny that, then I'm sorry, I'm just not going to stand for it,” said the white student who lives across the street. 9
- Noted fashionista Ann Coulter receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for claiming in a column that evangelical Christians who have had a change of heart on immigration reform are “incapable of abstract thinking” and “they demand that we transform our country into a bankrupt hellhole so that they can feel good about themselves.” Responding to an evangelical interviewed by the New York Times who said that Jesus would not care if someone was legal or illegal, Coulter states:
Would Jesus care if they were gay? Would he care if they’d had abortions? Because if that’s the test for public policy, it’s abortion on demand and gay marriage all around!
Moreover, it’s not clear that Jesus wouldn’t care how people came to this country. Did they come here in disobedience of the laws of God and of man? Was their first act on American soil to defy the law of the nation?
Let’s take a moment to ignore the obvious bigotry and stupidity of her worldview and appreciate that conservative spinster Ann Coulter just admitted that the Bible is not a document we should be using to govern our nation. For that inadvertent admission, Ann only gets a 10
@YesYoureRacist’s 10 Most Racist Retweets of the Week [all grammar sic’d]:
Last Week in Racism: Clarence Thomas Thinks Barack Obama Was "Approved by the Elites"
One of Our Writers Went on an All-Alcohol Diet for a Week
The Jim Norton Show: Mike Tyson and Dana White - Part 1
Paris Lees: The 21 Sexiest Things About Sex
'Weird Al' Yankovic Explains How He Conquered the Internet
Tao of Terence: One Version of 'One Version of Terence McKenna’s Life'
Austin's Music Scene Should Get Less Hetero
VICE Meets: Jim Norton on His Comedy Career and 'The Jim Norton Show'
A Few Impressions: James Franco’s ‘Blood Meridian’ Test
No Higgs Boson of Hitler: Ron Rosenbaum Explains 'Explaining Hitler'