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Hey Jews, Don't Make It Bad, Let Eddie Huang Cook for You on Christmas

By VICE Staff

Every Christmas Day, Jews all over America go out for Chinese food because… huh, actually we’re not sure why. According to this Yahoo! Answers dude, the tradition started back in the 20s and 30s, when Jewish immigrants in the US ate Chinese food because it was the classy thing to do back then and because the Chinese restaurant owners didn’t discriminate against them, but it’s hard to find out if that’s accurate, because starting a Google search with, “Why do Jews…” is a good way to find a lot of really ugly stuff.

Anyway, if you’re Jewish, you’re probably already planning to go out to eat on December 25, which is a day like every other day except the goyim aren’t out jogging and eating bacon and talking about Jesus and shit. Why not go out to eat some delicious food? Eddie Huang—who you already know from his VICE show Fresh Off the Boat as well as his Manhattan restaurant Baohaus—is taking over the kitchen at the Kosher restaurant Jezebel, in Soho, in honor of Baohaus's three-year anniversary. He's cooking a pre-fix six-course meal that includes “Szechuan Roasted Cornish Hens w/ Broccoli Rabe Fried Rice.” Doesn’t that shit sound delicious? It’s also 100 percent Kosher, of course, and will be served family-style, first come, first serve, from 1 PM to 10 PM. It’s $88 a person, but it’ll be worth it, and you should reward yourself after surviving yet another season of non-Jews playing all that crappy Christmas music and going on and on about Rudolph. HIS NOSE LIT UP? WHO THE FUCK CARES? THE OTHER REINDEER CAN FUCKING FLY AND YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH SOME TINY FREAK WITH A HIDEOUS BIRTH DEFECT?

Also, Tribeca Cinemas is right down the street. You know what we’re talking about.

Jezebel is at 323 West Broadway, between Grand and Canal streets. Eddie Huang’s Kosher Christmas meal will be happening from 1 to 10 PM on December 25. Pre-fix only. First come, first serve. $88. Watch the latest episode of Fresh Off the Boat below: