HEY LADY, YOUR BABY'S FAKE

Please take a moment and picture the scariest thing you can possibly think of. Reach way down--past the stupid normal crap like ghosts, past the bloodied serial killer holding your mother's decapitated head--yes, being buried alive would suck ass, but you're going to need to keep going. OK, got it? Is it scarier than a grown woman pushing a fake baby around London like it's no big whup? No, of course it’s not. Nothing is, and if you say your thing was then you're a liar. This morning this woman was in Dalston Shopping Centre buying bags of nappies for her plastic infant. She even had a changing bag hanging from the pram full of bottles and baby wipes.

I suppose it's possible that this woman is an undercover and that baby is her pedophile bait, or that a pedophile stole her baby and threw that decoy in there, but I’ve got a horrible feeling that once the tragic headlines start appearing in six months and the bones are being excavated from beneath Dalston Superstore I’ll feel pretty bad for putting these on a blog rather than forwarding them to the police. That little Mini Mouse logo screams evil.