Hey Ron! - Don't Ass Bet
Feb 10 2012
The Super Bowl is the biggest betting day of the year because it's a one-shot deal. It's not like the NBA, where you’ve got seven games to play. My thing is when you bet, don't "ass bet." Meaning, don't bet what you don't have. Because if you bet and lose, you have to either pay it up or get kicked in the butt. Don't make me come looking for you, or ask you for my money. There's no way you can forget about a bet on the Super Bowl.
I have a buddy who bet on the Patriots. Or actually, what I did was, I invested $50, because I knew my team was going to win. To me it wasn't a bet. It was an investment.
It started when the 49ers were playing. He was a 49ers fan and I said, “You know what? I need $50 this week.” He's paid up on the first game we wagered on, no questions asked, but this time… I guess his pride is hurt, but that's OK, so can his jaw.
People who bet should realize: Don't bet if you can't afford the bet. I was raised that scared money don't make money. If you're afraid to bet, don't bet. If you lose your bet, then what happens?
When I was younger, I would step up to them. If I let them get away with it, everyone would know. The largest amount of money I had to get was, I think, between $1,000 and $1,200. I got it, but I had to get it in installments. With the installments comes more money, ‘cause of interest.
The day I got the money, I collared him up—meaning I grabbed him on the collar and stuck him up against a car—saying, “Listen, this is not a game. The day I see you, you should have my money.” If they say they don’t have my money, from that point on the interest starts. If the game is over on Monday; I'll see you on Tuesday, or Sunday, it doesn’t matter—the next day I see you, you should have my money. But I don't believe that as much now as I did when I was younger and betting more frequently.
$50 is a friendly wager. I can use the extra $50. I don't want to go back to the ol’ “knuckle gang,” especially when I don't think his jaw can take it. But people who bet should know the rules. You should only bet what you have.
Now, when I beat people up, that doesn’t mean we’re square. That just means I got my frustration out, it’s a pre-warning to what can come next if I don't get my money.
So when they walk around lumped up, and people see them lumped up, people know that person's an ass bet. He made bets, but he doesn't really have the money. And that's not cool.
Previously -– Eli Manning Is My Homeboy
Should We Look at and Share Photos of Dead Civilians in Gaza?
A Few Impressions: Watch James Franco's Short Film, 'The Clerk's Tale,' Based on a Poem by Spencer Reece
One of Our Writers Went on an All-Alcohol Diet for a Week
The Jim Norton Show: Mike Tyson and Dana White - Part 1
Paris Lees: The 21 Sexiest Things About Sex
'Weird Al' Yankovic Explains How He Conquered the Internet
Tao of Terence: One Version of 'One Version of Terence McKenna’s Life'
Austin's Music Scene Should Get Less Hetero
VICE Meets: Jim Norton on His Comedy Career and 'The Jim Norton Show'