Hey Ron! - Homies Don't Understand
This week’s installment of "Hey Ron!" revolves around a guy having a bit of a racial dilemma. And once again, our stalwart accounts receivable manager's got a solution...
One of my best buddies is black, but when I hang out with his other black friends they make fun of me and call me "cracker" and stuff. Then when I go to school, all the other white kids calls me "wigger." I just can’t win and it's getting to the point where my friend doesn't really want to hang out with me anymore because he's embarrassed. Is there anything I can do to get back in with my homies?
If it was my friend, I would talk to him and tell him, "Listen, I’m hanging out with you because we’re cool. It’s not a black or white thing. We just seem to like the same things, but you should talk to your friends who are jealous of our relationship and tell them to kiss my white ass like Eminem did in 8-Mile." They need to respect him as a person and not as a color. If that doesn’t work, I hope your knuckle game is good. My thing in life has always been like, "Dude, you gotta knuckle up." Violence can be the last, first, or middle resort. It depends on your skill level.
Look at me. I grew up in Harlem, moved to LA, and came back to New York. When I returned from California, I sounded like I was from the Valley. I still say "dude," but you have to know who I am and you have two ways to learn who I am: You can actually speak with me or you can get a Harlem beat-down.
But back to your question: If people are calling you a wigger, it’s probably out of jealousy or maybe they think you sold out. Are you trying to act black? I have an Italian friend named Mark. He's very nice guy and we're thicker than thick, but he doesn’t act black. He just happens to like black women and black music, but he is not trying to dress black, talk black, or walk black. But I’m sure he has got a couple of Peter Frampton CDs lying around somewhere. Like I said, I lived in LA—I liked the Bee Gees. And I used to like Andy Gibb, Wham, Tears for Fears and all that. That’s what I like, and nobody is going to tell me I am not who I am. I suggest you follow the same guidelines.
If you've missed any of Ron's advice, go here and here to catch up.
The VICE Guide to Travel: The VICE Guide to North Korea
VICE founder Shane Smith romps around the Hermit Kingdom.
VICE News: Aokigahara Suicide Forest
The most popular site for suicides in Japan.
The Westminster Dog Show... On Acid!
We took some drugs and hung out with a bunch of bitches at Madison Square Garden.
VICE Meets: The Biggest Ass in Brazil
The Watermelon Woman has an ass that we are literally unable to describe…
The Cute Show: Sloths!
They're taking over the internet. Very slowly.