Hey Ron! - Should I Move in with My Deadbeat Boyfriend?

Hey Ron!

My boyfriend really wants to move in with me. I love him and everything, but I’m not sure if it is a good idea. He doesn’t make a lot of money and he’s not too clean. Also, I’m really not trying to feel like I’m married yet. But I do love the idea of being close to him all the time. What’s a girl supposed to do?

Thanks,
Solo Sarah

I don’t care what anybody says, living with your boyfriend is marriage! It’s just like wearing a wedding ring because you’re no longer free to do what you want—you always have to answer to your partner. You can’t just leave the house and go hang out. You have to be like, “Yo sweety, I’m gonna go out with my girls.” If that’s not the kind of lifestyle you want, don’t move in with your beau, plain and simple. What I never understood is why people live together for five, ten, even 15 years and never get married when they already are for all intents and purposes. Jumping the broom just consummates the love, but the control factor is already well intact.

Moving in with your partner is also a tough proposition because until you live with them, you really don’t know each other. All you see on dates and hanging out is the good side. If a girl I’m dating comes over to my house, my place will look immaculate because I knew she was coming. Before she steps foot in my crib, I mop, I sweep, I do everything. But most of the time I don’t have time to clean. During the week, I just stockpile my dirty drawers in one spot and my sink gets full of dishes. Basically, my place pretty much looks like hell—but the ladies never know. Now, if I had a girl who was living with me, after one week she’d be like, “What the hell is this? He snores. He scratches himself when he watches TV. And he’s a slob!” Living with someone reveals all the bad stuff that you can ignore when you’re just dating. So, if you already know he’s messy, imagine what kind of unattractive behavior he indulges in that you’ve yet to discover.

Then there is the whole problem with the division of labor… Chores between couples can be a real pain in the butt. Before he moves in you should discuss what each person’s job is going to be around the house. Me personally, I’m not a cook. So if any woman wants a man to make them meals, they’ve got the wrong guy. I will wash dishes and I’ll iron my own clothes (I like the way I iron clothes, I’ve been doing it since I was like 11 or 12). But I’m not the one to drive my girl around all the time, especially if we are going to her family’s house. If we are going to something for her, she’s got to be the one to drive. And she better not pull that “I thought you were the man” mess on me about not driving, because if I said that to a woman about cooking, all hell would break loose. Like I said, living together is like marriage so you two better plan like one if you’re going to make that move.

But all the problems of moving in together aren’t so bad if you have a little money. Being broke is the absolute worst condition to move in with someone, because all you do when you’re broke is fight over every nickel and dime. Two broke people moving in together just doesn’t make any sense, even though it happens all the time. Stay where you are and try to save those pennies and stop trying to live the rock-star life. Sometimes men can fool you into thinking they have more money than they do because they wear their worth. I’ve lived that lifestyle. When I was 20 I had gold chains and stuff. I would spend my whole paycheck to make myself look like I had more than what I did. But that’s the wrong path, because that stuff doesn’t last forever. When you put two broke folks together they miss their rent and screw up each other’s credit. When you guys break up you’ll both have to move back in with your mamas and your last encounter will be fighting over a nine-year-old couch that isn’t worth a penny. You don’t want that, do you?

Keep that knucklehead out of your house and be like me—independent, free, and maintaining an exemplary credit score.

Ron is VICE's accounts receivable manager. He also happens to be a master of mixed martial arts and a treasure trove of knowledge and advice. Even your sick perversions, dysfunctional predicaments, and anti-social thoughts don't surprise him. So go ahead, ask him something already. Email Ron your questions to HeyRon@VICE.com or tweet them to @Hey_Ron. Every person who gets their question answered in his column will receive their very own Hey Ron! t-shirt, three print issues of VICE magazine, and a personal note from Ron.