Hey Ron!

Hey Ron! - Dating Is Overrated

By Ron Hemphill

Lately I've found dating to be overrated. I'm like a little minnow swimming in a pool full of greedy sharks. I'm tired of going out on dates and spending $150 on dinner. By the end of the week you look back at all those dinner dates and realize you spent all that money and there is nothing to show for it—maybe a bootycall—but no substance.

I was with the same person for a very long time, so I'm not used to being single. Now that I'm back on the scene, things are different than I remember them. At first it was cool meeting new women. I met ladies everywhere—at lounges, the gym, on the street... But I don't do that online dating. Personally, I think online dating is for losers. It's all about pretending to be someone you're not. I have used the web, however, to reconnect with some old friends. And trust me, we definitely connected, if you know what I'm saying… But that's it, all we did was hook up. Girls out here today just want to be friends with benefits. And that's cool and has its place, just not in my life. I'm more into putting our two halves together and making a whole. I want to take the relationship beyond just hooking up, to a place where we can build something together.

But some of these women are like vampires. They try to size you up before they suck you dry, asking a bunch of questions like, "What do you do for a living?" and "What kind of car do you drive?" Next they'll be asking you to give them your blood type or sperm count. For the record, yes, my sperm count is high. You can expect to have a tall light-skinned baby if you choose to.

I took this young lady out to a nice restaurant near Central Park, and man was it fake. I couldn't tell whether the people in there really had money or they just wanted to look like they had money, but it felt like something off of Housewives of New Jersey. Every girl in there had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was six feet tall with bodacious fake breasts. All the guys had on suits. I came in wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. But I was definitely catching a lot of attention, probably because I was the realest man to ever walk up in there. Women can sense real, you know? It wasn't my scene, but I would definitely go back there with the fellas.

But like I said, dating is overrated. I haven't asked one girl out on a second date. They were all nice, but I could just tell we weren't heading in the same direction. And it's weird because they were all in their 30s. Their biological clocks are ticking! You'd think they'd be looking for someone to settle down with. But they all still want to kick it. They're still in party mode. I'm down to party on the weekend, but on Wednesdays and Thursdays? I'm thinking about the future, but these girls aren't even planning for tomorrow.

Previously – Don't Turd on Me