I guess I’m what you consider a legally bald guy. And hell no, I ain’t ashamed of that. In fact, I’m a proud member of the bald community. It’s an honor to be in the same league as Isaac Hayes and Michael Jordan. Most people don’t know I’m an actual bald guy because I’ve been shaving my head for years, but I started thinning out up top when I started dating my ex-wife 12 years ago. That was in my late 30s. She put a lot of strain on my strands, as you can see.
I wasn’t really sad when I started going bald. I was more disappointed because I didn’t have control over my hair. Actually, I didn’t even notice I was going bald until someone pointed it out. I guess if you look closely, you can tell which spots are bald-bald and which spots are shaven. But you know what? If you’re going bald, LET IT GO. Honestly, if your hair wants to be there, it would’ve stayed there. If it doesn’t want to stay there, you gotta let it go. And don’t use shit like Propecia. That shit’s for idiots.
Thankfully, I’ve been blessed with a naturally shiny and beautiful head. I’m not plugging and planting and pampering what doesn’t exist on my head anymore. If you’re going bald, learn to own it. Baldness can be a fly thing. Some people look better bald, actually. What does bother me, however, is when guys try to keep the three strands they do have and comb them over. And then they’re like, “I have good hair.” That is NOT good hair. It’s sickening. Then there are baldies who have weird head shapes. Those are people who should be wearing hats 25 hours a day. If you look like Stewie from Family Guy or have an octagon-shaped head or cracks in your cranium, don’t even try to make baldness work for you. Do us all a favor and cover that shit up.
Previously - I Buy My Own Jolly Ranchers