HONG DONG BRAND WANG BANG

By HAMILTON MORRIS

In doing a bit of last minute research for a Valentine's Day talk I'm giving on the pharmacology of aphrodisiacs, I stumbled upon this Singaporean database of interdicted "herbal" aphrodisiacs that have been meticulously analyzed, photographed, and cataloged. The database far surpasses anything maintained by the FDA and is doubtlessly a labor of love for the good folks at the Singapore Health Science Authority, there are literally hundreds of drugs but here are some of the best ones I've found...

Canada King of Sea Dogs: Nothing communicates male fertility more clearly than a howling Canadian Sea Lion, though I was confused to find the capsules contained the anorectic siburtramine.

Dong Fang Bu Bai: Given the two interlinked male symbols I think these sildenafil containing capsules are formulated specifically for homosexual sex or for sex between a man and a rabid two-headed dog.

F+F super enforcement capsule: Perhaps the only illegal sildenafil containing aphrodisiac to carry a seal of approval from the "World Sex Association."

Hong Sheng Sheng Wu Brand Li Jia Li: This sildenafil supplement claims to exceed Viagra and Cialis, and I am almost certain features a picture of The Rock from The Mummy Returns, perhaps designed to subconsciously communicate notions of rock hardness in one's erections...brilliant!

Hua Long Brand F+F super enforcement capsule: Here we have a different brand of sidenafil containing F+F, featuring a young Asian couple, who are doubtlessly in love, engaged in the act of coitus. The foil backing of the golden capsules guarantees, "THE MOST ARTISTIC PARCEL."

Tian Xia Di Yi Bang: These capsules contain an unsettling combination of sibutramine, sildenafil, diclofenac, and last but not least strychnine. Just because the packaging depicts several young men and women innocently expressing their emotional and spiritual affection for one another does not mean the capsules are safe, although strychnine has a very long history of use as an aphrodisiac.

Tianxiong Brand Super Is Fierce Male Capsule: Though they may claim to be all natural, these capsules contain sildenafil just like the rest, as the old American saying goes, "super is fierce male your time."

Tian Ran Wei Ge: I actually really like the packaging of these, they just look like something that is going to be frighteningly strong in a nothing-to-prove kind of way, so it's no surprise they contain an array of extremely unusual designer Viagra analogs like acetil-acid, acetildenafil and carbodenafil.

That's all for now! Oh and if you're in San Francisco come check out my talk where I will discuss the pharmacology of everything from 5-MeO-DiPT to PT-141 to thiosildenafil to horny goat weed, it all starts this Saturday at 8:30 PM at the Yerba Buena center for the arts.

http://www.ybca.org/valen-tiny

HAMILTON MORRIS

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