Housemates From Hell

Photo by Ed Woodley

Mastodon are four guys from Atlanta who play technically impressive, brutal metal that sounds like it comes from the depths of somewhere very, very deep. They were in Australia recently when we discovered that our friend and exceptional jewellery designer, Matt, used to live with the guitarist, Brent Hinds. Matt told us that he had really missed his old buddy so we sent him along to reminisce about old times. Vice: Hey, hey. So, when did you get to Australia? Brent Hinds: Sometime yesterday. I wish I knew you were here. I found this old picture of our dog. This is when we lived together, right? Yeah. There’s Melvin our dog. Aw, how is Melvin? What happened to him? I love Melvin. He’s still alive, and lives in my house. He’s fifteen now. Damn teenagers. I had to have his balls cut off a few years ago because he was misbehaving and kept running off. I remember these days. Remember we lived with Franklin, the guy with the tattooed face. He shot himself in the head. He’s dead now. Damn. How’s the tour been so far? It’s been fun man. I haven’t been to bed yet. At 10 o’clock this morning I went to the zoo. It was awesome. What did you see? Were there koalas? Yeah, I saw every animal they had there. The only animal I didn’t see was a black panther. Do they have pigmy mastodons there? I didn’t see one of those but I saw a pigmy hippopotamus. We saw two really old turtles fucking too. They were like 200 years old just going for it. As they get older, they just sort of grunt, and scrape together. So what have you been doing here? We arrived in Perth a couple of days ago. Perth is awesome. I went to Bon Scott’s grave. It was on Friday the 13th. That was a good day. Is the Clairmount Lounge still open? Does Blondie the stripper still work there? Totally. I just paid her $50 to smash a beer can on some guy’s head with her boobs. She’s got a limp leg from being hit by a cab She is also about 50 and rumoured to be a man. Do you reckon? I don’t think so man. I think I’ve actually made out with her once. What about your old band, Fiend Without A Face? We’re still around. Going under aliases and everything. Playing around Atlanta. What about the Buick? Do you still have it? Oh, I totalled it. Remember when I crashed it on ecstasy? I was dressed up for Halloween as Vincent Price and went to some party. I got kicked out for fighting so I drove off high and drunk and crashed it. After that I gave the car to my dad and went hopping freight trains for a while. I came back and told him I wanted my car back but he had sold it by that stage so I bought another car and painted it the same exact colour. So you’re still living in Atlanta after all these years? Yeah. The best thing is that they have a Creature fest in the spot where the Creature movies were filmed. I went down there and swam in the Black Lagoon with Rico Browning, the guy that played the Creature under water. They found lots of Mastodon remains there. It’s kind of a magical place. Great to see you Brent. Awesome to see you Matt.