Illuminati Mind Control Tricked Hipsters Into Liking Yelawolf

The same force responsible for rigging the Global Economic Collapse and The Iraq War has now taken things a step further and tricked hip America into enjoying a Monster Energy Drink-chugging Kid Rock collaborator.

Born Michael Wayne Atha, Yelawolf is a Heartland rapper of Caucasian descent who has produced zero notable or listenable tracks. This is a photograph taken of him a few years ago:

As you can see, he definitely does not look cool. A quick listen to his music will invoke reactions of a similar nature. That’s because Yelawolf’s flow, style, and attitude are merely an updated version of the very non-cool Rap-Rock movement of the late 90’s pioneered by Limp Bizkit and The Kottonmouth Kings. On top of that he is B.F.F’s with Kid Rock, the republican activist and sick nihilist behind the smash hits “Cowboy” and “Batwitdaba,” who also happens to be known for performing a “God Bless the Troops” special during a professional wrestling match. Not very hip.

Why then, has someone who appears to embody the antithesis of contemporary hipsterdom gained such a significant cyberspace presence from hip media outlets? Why is a bad Fred Durst impersonator who dresses like Kriss Angel: Mind Freak selling out hipster showcases and venues? Why did The Fader put a man with a dubstep meme haircut on their cover?

The answer is simple: Yelawolf is being funded by the New World Order. Take a look at the new vid he just released with fellow country boy Kid Rock:

Did you, besides the most overly rambunctious dance move in contemporary history at the three minute mark, notice anything suspect? How about the subtle Monster Energy Drink cameos? Freeze frame on that and examine the logo.

Three Vav’s, the Hebrew character for six. 666. The number of the beast. The number most associated with the Apocalypse/New World Order/Illuminati. The answer to the Yelawolf paradox has been product-placed before our very eyes. He is the tool of a Satanic world government. A force that has time and time again outdone itself, this time penetrating anti-mainstream Hipster America. Like lemmings running off a cliff, the skinny-jeaned line up for their heartland rap-rock tickets and mp3s. Cattle lining up for the slaughter.