Handicapped people get horny too. The problem is that even if they have a partner, the act of putting a wiener into a vagina and moving it around can be tricky when you lack certain motor skills. My friend Karl was the personal nurse for a severely disabled couple for about eight years. In addition to fulfilling his traditional nurse duties, he also helped them get seriously laid.
Doug and Jen were a married couple, both of whom suffered from muscular dystrophy. Doug recently died of pneumonia, but Karl said reminiscing about the good times--like when Doug accidentally came on him--helped with the mourning process. What Karl did for them is one of the nicest and most selfless things I can think of. Karl is an angel. A manually assisted blowjob angel from heaven who I hope washes his hands a lot.
Vice: So you're a sex nurse.
Karl: I'm a licensed vocational nurse and I worked for two patients with muscular dystrophy who were on ventilators, which is why they needed 24 hour nursing care. They were unable to move their limbs or pretty much anything whatsoever. So I basically did anything and everything for them. I cleaned them up, got them dressed, and put them into their wheelchairs. Once they were in their chairs they could drive themselves, but still, in the wheelchairs they could only move around; I was still their hands and their arms.
How long were you helping that particular couple?
How did you find them?
I was at a party talking with some girl who was also a nurse. She had a patient who was looking for nurses and I was trying to get a job. I started working with Doug when he was already engaged to Jen. They got married like six months later and moved in together.
So you weren't just brought in to help with the fucking. You helped with other non-fucking related tasks?
Yeah that stuff was totally extracurricular.
Did you know you would be helping someone give handjobs when you got hired?
At first it was Jen's nurse who had been helping them out. When she was going to leave for a different job, she approached me and asked if I'd be cool doing it. So when she left the baton was passed to me. It's funny, Doug and Jen had her scout me out.
I'm sure you've seen a lot of gnarly stuff being a nurse, where does helping two people bone rank?
The sexual stuff is weird. The stuff you see in nursing school makes you feel prepared for the job, but they didn't teach you how to help two people have sex.
So tell me about the first time. Was it special?
The first time you just look at everything and try to figure out the mechanics of it all. For a while you are so busy thinking about how you are going to do it that you sort of forget about what you are doing. But once you get it all figured out and things begin to happen, you start thinking, "I can't believe I'm doing this shit." It's crazy.
Were you putting them in position? Were you putting it in? What were you doing?
Well they have this track above their bed with a lift attached to it that rolls on the track. Attached to the lift there's a cloth and canvas sling with straps affixed with hooks. I would put the sling underneath Doug or Jen and lift them up using the lift. It was designed for nurses who are too weak to put them in their chairs. Doug and Jen figured out how to modify it so it works more or less like a sex swing.
Doug could move his fingers, so I would put Jen in the lift and lower her down on his hand so he could wiggle his finger. And then I would get this vibrator and like position it in his hand so that it was on the right spot for Jen. So I'd do stuff like that and then I could just leave the room so they could concentrate on whatever they were doing. But for stuff like handjobs, I had to wrap Jen's hand around his dick and basically move it myself. Essentially I was just using her hand to jack him off.
Sorry to laugh. That's insane.
I was wearing gloves.
Did helping them out ever turn you on?
No, it never turned me on. I always tried to distance myself from what I was doing.
Did you feel a lot of pressure to give a good handjob?
Well, I mean, I wanted to give a good one because I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I was lucky that Doug, as a disabled man, never got a lot of sexual stimulation. It's not like he was masturbating and stuff his whole life, so he was always a premature ejaculator, which I was very thankful for.
What are some of the gnarlier things that have happened?
I always wore gloves, but one time I wasn't watching where I was aiming his dick and he came on my hand. Even though there was a glove there I still felt his cum land on my hand. It was one of the grossest things I felt in my time with them.
Also, doing the whole blow job thing, I'd have to, like, grab Jen's head and move it on his dick, which is just weird. Like grabbing a girl's head and forcing it on a dick. It's just weird and violent and felt really strange. And, because she has muscular dystrophy, she couldn't really move her mouth. So as soon as he came, it would just run out of her mouth, down her cheek, and into her hair. Cleaning the cum out of her hair was a bitch.
Really you are like a saint though. The saint of blowjobs.
He hired prostitutes, Craigslist type shit, so he did have some sexual experience. But with this, he was married. His wife loved him, you know. They were so lucky to find each other. It was a moving experience and something a lot of people told them they would never know.
Did your work ever make its way into your personal life?
I don't know. I mean, it would come out. Like with girlfriends, people I was dating, it would come out. But it never really interfered.
I heard Doug and Jen posed for some website too.
It was gimpsgonewild.com. They'd sell picture sets and calendars, so they made a little bit of spare cash, not a lot. They sort of changed their mind after a while about the whole thing because people would go to the site and contact them to say "You guys are freaks!" At first they were like, "whatever," but it got to them over time.
Do you get paid extra for the fucking?
It's included in my hourly rate. I always thought I should advertise and start my own little business. "Hey are you disabled? I'll help you have sex!"
Any other good stories?
They were going to get a visit from somebody in Housing and Urban Development because they were on government assistance. The guy was scheduled to come on one of their sex days. When the H.U.D guy came in he always checked the smoke detector and the oven. He never went back in the room. So Doug and Jen just went on having sex as scheduled. Of course, the guy winds up being new, so he walked into the room while I had them all set up. Jen was like "Oh hey," but the guy just passed by and checked the window out. I don't know what he thought he was seeing. I mean Jen was in the sling on Doug's crotch. I was in such shock.
So they could actually have intercourse?
Yeah. I couldn't leave the room for that. I had to move her back and forth on top of him.
You said it went pretty quick. Did you ever try and get creative with positions?
No, it was pretty much always her on top. He couldn't really tolerate being in any position other than his back. For some reason--it probably has to do with the disease--Jennifer's pussy is tight. Like totally small. Like it was always painful for her to have sex. And Doug wasn't really that big. I'd say below average, actually. But for some reason she could take it in the ass like nothing. She tried toys and tried sticking them in her pussy and she could only take it vibrating on the outside. But for some reason you could shove the thing in her butt like nothing. It was like backwards.
So Karl could get off. Did Jen get off?
Yeah. I mean they were really sensitive. They could just talk dirty. He could just talk dirty and she'd get off from that. So one time I put them to bed and there was a new nurse and I was showing her the routine and got done putting them to bed. And they had this intercom system where they could call the nurses and be like "Hey" if they needed to be turned in the night or needed suctioning. So Doug and Jen just start doing this dirty talk and they didn't know it was coming out over the intercom. Because the muscular dystrophy their mouths are always open and their tongues don't really move the way ours do, so the language was kind of garbled. And they start doing this dirty talk, and the nurse is talking to me about nursing stuff but all I can hear in the background is Doug saying stuff like "Oh my god baby yeah," and Jen is moaning like crazy.