Jeff Wood Got Shot in the Head and Became Shat

Last time I was in LA I started hearing stories about this guy named Shat. Apparently he was a relatively normal dude until he was shot in the head at a party in Hollywood. He managed to survive a bullet to the brain, but according to everyone I talked to about him, the injury left him a bit “off.” Post shooting, his brain (which still contains part of the bullet) was completely concerned with sex. Now he makes music and plays shows covered in dicks and has chicks pee on him onstage. In this constant hypersexual state he managed to record and release an album of 69 songs, all about 10 or 20 seconds long, and all about sex.

VICE: So you were shot in the head, totally changing your personality. What happened?
Shat: It was no accident. I was shot from a second-story apartment window as I pulled out of a parking spot, the bullet went through the roof of my van and into my head, I didn’t feel a thing. I’m still not sure why, it could have been gang-related, or mistaken identity, I’m not sure. I just know I’m lucky to be alive. I was a sick kid before the bullet, but it definitely changed some parameters in my life at that point. I am very glad to have another chance. Half the bullet is still in my head.

What were you like before the shooting?
I was always a pretty sick kid, I definitely wasn’t right. But I did, and do have a great heart so I never went over the deep end. I held it together pretty good for all the shit I’ve been through.

But you became 110% obsessed with sex.
Well, every good-hearted man should be obsessed with sex. If it wasn’t for cunt, not one of us would be here ‘cos every single one of us came out of one. I am in control of my perversion. Of the 200 Shat songs, 98 percent are written from shit I have been through.

What is a day in the life of Shat generally like now?
I tour a few months out of the year, usually around March or April, now. I own my own part-time business now that my unemployment ran out, and I can tour whenever. But, unfortunately it’s not that easy. I have other music projects I am working with. After I shit-shower-shave-bang, I get to work doing anything I need to move my music forward. I am a DIY machine. My everyday life is somewhat normal, it has to be or I would be dead.  The next chapter is coming and my loads will be in everyone’s face again soon.  

You talk pretty highly about cunts, but your website prominently features a big veiny dick with jizz dripping slowly off the end. Are you into guys too?
You obviously did not look hard enough, there are cunts, ass, tits, chicks getting banged in comic book form all around the edges of my site. With that being said, chicks love dicks. Never question my genius. I’m the Pied Piper of cunt. If anyone questions my sexuality I usually tell them to bring me their sister and leave her with me. None of it bothers me though, to each his own.

Do you have a lot of sex?
Yeah but I don’t take advantage of women, I take advantage of the fact that a chick is going to let me fuck her and I go out of my way to please the shit out of her.

What do you like best about doing sex?
“Doing” sex? Ya make it seem like a chore. I like the entire seven hours it takes from getting to the club or bar, approaching the hottest chick I see first, running game, getting her back to my place and then banging her. If that whole process does not take you seven hours you are doing it wrong. It’s the whole chase and catch and conquer that I like. I do the relationship thing too but it seems to just end up as a problem. We only on this earth once. Fuck it.

What is the gnarliest post-shooting sexual experience you have had?
On one Dillinger tour we had the merch girl letting me fuck her with my chin dildo in front of everyone. Also drank champagne out of her pussy as she shook it up and gave herself a champagne enema and let it pour out into my mouth. Damn that reminds me of the Shat, Dillinger, Icarus Line tour in Europe. We were outside the club trying to find some chick to piss on my face. We found this chick and she was in front of a crowd of 30 people squatting over me trying to piss but she couldn’t do it. So we were in the process of getting the merch girl to do it when the other chick said she was going to puke, so we had the chick puke all over my face. It made for a great video, which hasn’t been released yet. Stay tuned for that one.

Wait, you were in the Dillinger Escape Plan. I love that band.
Yes I was in DEP from 1999 to 2001, I’m listed as a member on the Calculating Infinity inlay as “live bass machine.” I was fired. I was always the hired gun.

How does anyone get fired from Dillinger?
It was my first real tour and I am a bit older than them. My first few small tours I was a bit hard to handle. Then as the band got bigger and bigger, there were certain episodes like missing a show on the Mr. Bungle tour because I was off banging some chick that worked at the club.

Do you ever experience problems in your day-to-day life because you are hypersexual? What about at your job?
There will always be problems when you’re as sexual as myself. But I have taken over 100 hits of LSD in my lifetime, done shrooms and smoked a lot of pot in the day and I am able to use this sexual power to my advantage. I’m like Superman, I go into the phone booth and come out with a full hard-on and ready to bang when needed.

Who is “Amazon Don Juan” about?
It’s about me and anyone else who bangs or has banged a chick at least a foot or two taller than them.

You perform live wearing nothing but a crash helmet and rubber dicks stuck all over you. Has there ever been an incident?

A few. Chicks love dicks, what can I say? I’ve been in fights on stage, dudes don’t realise it’s a motorcycle helmet, you aren’t going to win a fight with me if I have a helmet on.

Do you guys ever make contact with each other up there?
Probably, they try and stay away from the dicks, could take someone’s eye out. But it’s nothing different than being in a mosh pit, except for the dildos.  Everyone in my band is comfortable with their sexuality so there is never much of a problem with bumping’ into my band members on stage. Every band sweats on stage. And if they are not? They are not doing their job.  

Hey have you ever copulated with anyone famous?
Just myself. But I got a while to go yet. But you always should have a goal to shoot for. I have banged a few that were famous in their own right. Follow Toby on Twitter: @jane_tobes